Diaries of a Crazy Single Girl

Wedding Crashers

2009-09-08T15:51:00.003-04:00

I went to a wedding this weekend. It was a good friend of mine from college. She looked beautiful, the wedding was first class all the way and to be honest they are one of the only couples that I am ever genuinely happy for and hope they get their happily ever after.

Normally I despise weddings. I think brides go over board, I think people focus too much energy on one silly day and forget that about the whole "till death do us part thing." And to be honest, I am usually pretty damn bitter about happy couples so the last thing I want to do is celebrate someone else's happiness. True story!

I should not be so bitter though, because it will put wrinkles on my face and I do not wish to age prematurely. So I will focus on the positives of a going to a wedding when you are bitter, cynical, uncomfortable amounts of sarcastic and single.

#1 Open Bar- What I loved about this wedding was that they did not close the open bar for dinner. That means I can fuel my alcoholism with limited commercial interruptions. That makes for a very happy me :-) I even love the fact that I got carded at the bar because the bar tender told me I look like I'm 17. I was so happy to hear that I literally almost made a joke about statutory rape with him just to show my gratitude.

#2 Music- I really enjoy letting lose and just dancing. A little Billie Jean by Michael Jackson always puts me in a good mood. I find that music and dancing literally heals my soul sometimes, and even if it's just for 3 and 1/2 mins I don't feel so sad or confused about everything else in my life.

#3 People watching- I love to see what other people are wearing. This is not because I am nice, but because I am mean. The following are my favorites to make fun on. Fat people, people who seem miserable with their dates, people who are obviously wearing suites they borrowed from their dads, people who are wearing a size 4 dress but should be wearing a size 12. And most importantly people who do crazy ass things to their hair. Can someone explain to me how you can look in the mirror, see something on your head that resembles a birds nest so closely that you are fairly certain a pigeon is about the land and think wow I look so sexy, I am going to go out in public now? If Tucker Max is hoping they serve beer in hell, I am hoping they serve wine.

#4 Looking my best- I love attention, I love people to stare at me, I love compliments. Enough said.

#5 Drunken companionship - Weddings are a lusting breeding ground. Everyone knows it. Do you think there is a reason they have a singles table? Trust me everyone wants to get laid at a wedding, and now that I think about it, is it really that hard? Booze and love are both in the hair. It's like the perfect storm.

Unfortunately I did not have sex at the wedding, but I did have a rather wonderful accomplishment. They had two coach buses shuttle the guests back and forth to the hotel from the country club. I stumbled onto the bus with all my "new friends" from the single table. Introduced myself through slurs to the bus driver. Stood up in the front row and asked him to crank up the radio because "Tiny Dancer" was playing. I then proceeded to ask everyone on the bus to remember "Almost Famous" and sing along. Of course I swore many many many times during all this. A married couple carried their young daughter off the bus because I was an inappropriate drunk. Then a few elderly couples left as well glaring at me with their good eye. I however not be phased by a few more people in the world who don't like me screamed very loud if anyone else would like to get off the drunk fun bus now you can leave, cause I'm not stopping :-)

Then once the bus driver stepped off the bus for a moment I sat in his drivers seat, which happened to be perfectly aligned with the "not fun bus" and wouldn't you know who was in the window across from me. The couple who left our bus in a huff to save their child's virgin ears from the likes me of. The father looked over and I simply waved back and made a "look I'm driving" motion.

Stage Five Clinger

2009-09-01T19:33:00.003-04:00

First of all I am sorry, I have been very negligent of my blog (I suck I know.)
It is now being revived, and topics will be better and spicier than ever.

Since we last spoke I have had a break up, moved from Brooklyn to Manhattan, and had a whole slew of drunken escapades. Yes ladies and gentlemen let the games begin!

Today's topic has been inspired by my friend Miss M and her most recent gentleman caller. A rather tall fellow from south of the Mason-Dixie line. Caution: Southern boys + City Girls = sheets, blankets and mattress covers need to be dry cleaned.

I digress with a 36 hour encounter of his casual visit.

Friday Night:

7:15pm All 7ft of the southerner arrive accompanied by his co-worker. He greets everyone cheerily and with the greatest of warmth only a naive redneck can provide.

7:28 pm After complimenting me numerous times saying I am too pretty to wear any make up I decide to be a 5th wheel and join him his co worker and my 2 roommates to the bar across the street.

7:45pm Beer is ordered

7:46pm round two of beer is ordered

8:05pm: Candlebox "Far Behind" is playing at the bar, he tells Miss M and I that this is his Favorite Pearl Jame song... Miss M and I exchange glances, he has gone down three pegs.

8:30pm Southern tells us he recently broke up with his gf in Alabama. We need more drinks

9:15pm Co-worker drinks Marinara sauce,

10pm Beer

10:15pm Peal Jam is still not playing but Southerner thinks it is. My feelings on public school systems south of New Jersey are proving to be accurate.

10:45pm Southerner would like to know if he starts smoking cigs would it increase his sex appeal.

11:30 pm we walk home in the rain to our apt. Southern holds an umbrella so we don't get wet. Up one notch

Midnight: Southern who is drenched from the rain changes into my 4'11" roommates shorts.

12:15am: Southerner cuddles with my roommate on our "couch" and I decide to tell him that Miss M does not have a problem dating anyone from the south who's family made money off Slaves and or Tobacco. He admits to Tobacco

12:43 Southern asks about our political thoughts... I slur something about we are all for abortion in this apt (Does that sound slutty?) And tell him if he is republican we will laugh at him. He says he is not and Miss M sighs with relief that she doesn't have to get up and leave.

1:20: Co worker walks into the living room with his penis out. Co worker is now "Penis Man"

1:21 I decide it's time to go to bed

10:04am wake up fresh beer cans are in my living room. Miss M has informed me she is at Macy's, wanted to go alone, but Southern followed her.

11:16am Meet my roommates southerner, and penis man at Blind Pig for brunch. Southern has given Miss M a hickey and thinks its funny. Miss M looks like she is about to stab him with a fork. I order a mimosa!

11:17 Southerner sings a song about mimosas in the rain and thinks its funny because its also raining out.

11:18am Southern tells a story he thinks is funny but isn't. I am waiting for him to finish because I have a way better story. Refill on my Mimosa please sir!

11:28am Southerner tells the same story as if he didn't just tell it 10 mins ago. There goes that fine public school education. Refill again SIR!

11:34 Southern sings the mimosas in the rain song again.

11:46 Story time again, yes the same one. I tell Miss M I think it's time her and I go to Forever 21, I need something slutty to wear out tonight. We leave.

11:47 Miss M informs me she did not sleep with him but that he either sweat or urinated in her bed and is taking all her sheets, comforter and mattress pad to the dry cleaners today. He is also not to be a repeat customer. And is glad he is finally gone

1:15 wake up from my nap. Southerner has is still in my living room. Why? He is playing rockband, has a new friend with him, and Miss M looks over at me. Her facial expression is similar to that of a mother who's 3 children all just took off running in 3 different directions and she had to decide which one to go after first.

2pm Southerner refuses to leave. I ask him if he actually has a home and mumble something about a stage five clinger from the kitchen. He asks if I am talking about him. I smile, Miss M dies.

4pm My sister arrives, inform her of penis man and the southerner. She wants dinner, we sneak Miss M. out of the apt using the invisibility cape from Harry Potter and go to dinner.

7:39 Return from dinner and dessert, Southern is gone YAY! Pregame begins!

10PM Arrive at open bar party. Southerner, penis man, and southerners friend are all there Boo!

11:15 Miss M continues to avoid southerner who continues to watch her like a hawk.

12PM. Southerner watches and one of Miss Ms guy friends picks her up. He fights back the tears, but I see them and laugh... so do other people around me!

12:30 Southerner leaves the bar never to return. Miss M. and I high five that the spell has been broken.

4:30 Penis man breaks into my room and urinates on my floor while I sleep.

The End

Love Letter

2009-05-31T00:41:00.014-04:00

I was cleaning out my draws this evening and found this love letter. I found it to be quite amazing and I wanted to post it for everyone... Allow your inner romantic to come alive for a minute.

My Dearest Love,
There is so much, and yet so little to say. How do I sum up my emotions for you? I have experienced every one there is in your regard. Without question there has been pain, agony, hysterics, anger, jealousy, and depression. We have seen some dark hours that still haunt my weaker moments.

I feel that I often dwell on the difficult times. I find my comfort and strength in them. I understand that must seem so morbid and odd to you. I find myself remembering dark times more often than I wish, though I am not certain as to why I do this.

Then you have all the joy. The moments of bliss that were born from darkness. The glances of love, the warmth of your touch, the very sweetness in your kiss is overpowering with emotions. You are such a blessing in my life. I never tell you just how precious you are to me. Perhaps it is because I am afraid. How could I love someone this much? How could they love me the same amount? It seems so surreal, please forgive me when I need a moment to digest that all of it is true.

I am a person of words. It has always been one of the gifts God himself bestowed upon me. Words have been mine for the taking. Beautiful pros that I have bend and shaped have come effortless. I can not begin to recount how easy writing about people who I feel so little for has come to me. I can honor someone so eloquently who is of zero importance in my life, yet I can never seem to find the words to tell you what you mean to me.

John Milton, was once asked to write a eulogy for a friend of a friend. It was called "Epitaph for Damon" and in my opinion is one of his most moving works. He was able to capture the vulnerability and yearning of loss so perfectly for someone he hardly knew. Yet when is own mother passed away he never directly wrote a word about it. I suppose even the most gifted of writers can not capture their emotions with a pen when it is too close to the heart.

I can not imagine my life without you in it. I need you. I have truly needed so few things from life but I need you. A life with your absence seems cruel and unfathomable. Times that I have come so close to losing you were painful, but became unimaginable by the very idea that you would not be there for the rest of my life.

I can not picture a life where you do not exist. Although I understand that life went on for years before you, it was not life. It was as if I was waiting on a distant shore for your ship to sail in this entire time. My very life began when you entered into it. There is no other way to describe my feelings for you. Love, yes I can say I love you one hundred times, but that would never be enough. You are so much bigger than that. In the most primitive form what you are, and what you will always be to me is needed. I need you, there is no me without you. I can not say it any more clearly than that, my love. I need you.

Wanted to share this. You know you all have romantic heart strings that are being tugged on right now. I think the author really captures all the elements of love, the pain and the mania, as well as the yearning. The overwhelming desire to be with their love. Imagine if someone wrote those words to you? Someone actually admitted out loud not only that they loved you, but that they NEEDED you! That life for them truly began when you entered it. I don't know if it gets much more complimentary than that. I like how the author opens with addressing that their love has never been perfect. That it has not always been rainbows and sunshine. They even go so far as to list all the negative feelings they have felt, but then is still able to be so in love, and so stripped down about it. I suppose that is what true love does to all of us. Strips us down to nothing more than rare emotions.

as ALWAYS your thoughts are welcome!

kisses,
diariesofacrazysinglegirl@gmail.com

Magnum

2009-05-29T12:22:00.008-04:00

I apologize again for my lack of entries. I suck I know, but I have a fun blog story for today. It is one from my past (way past) that I think you will all enjoy.

There are many moments in a persons life that are defining. Graduations, Engagements, Marriages, Births, Deaths. These are all events that can really shape a human. However, there are also moments of true humiliation that I believe suffice just the same. Instances in your life that mortify you to such levels you never thought were imaginable, and still can't believe actually happened to you. Things that are so embarrassing they make showing up to school naked look like burping in public. I was lucky to be witness/creator to one of these instances.

In 2005 I was in my senior year of college and dating a gentleman. We will call him Mr. LP for short. Mr. LP was crazy about me, I mean who wouldn't be? But all kidding aside he was a very good boyfriend. Always offered to brush the snow off my car, made me breakfast in bed, always wanted to hold my hand in public, got along well with my friends, would come to visit me at work he was a good guy all around. No one would argue that I had a very nice boyfriend. I use the term boyfriend lightly because I did not consider him one, even though he asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes.

If you know much about me, or much about how I was, you will know my moral compass has not always pointed due north. In fact, it didn't point anywhere for many years. So what did I do with this my nice loosely knit relationship? Why I drove it into the ground of course! I started hooking up with other people. And when I say started I mean continued to hook up with new and old people cause lets be honest, I had never really stopped. Yup I was really something special.

I started to hook up with a younger guy. I was robbing the cradle with a Sophomore in college. Though he may have been younger, he was how do you say "well endowed." My Sophomore had to use Magnums. Good for him (better for me!) Well, one of the wrappers remained unnoticed by me on my floor, until the next day when my sweet Mr. LP came over, prob to braid my hair and rub my back and he noticed the magnum wrapper...

For all you gentlemen who read my blog, I would like you to have a moment of silence. Picture yourself, a non magnum wearing man, loving your sweet girlfriend with all your heart. And then having to look her in the eye, and say "I see a wrapper on the floor, and it is not for the type of condom we use." To this day, I do not know how much that must have hurt. Or what it must have taken to otherwise say, you are cheating on me with someone who has a bigger penis than I do.

What is the real icing on the cake though, is instead of maintaining some dignity and saying yes, I am, and taking the opportunity to end my relationship, I decided to weave a web of lies. I told him my roommate and I got drunk, bought some magnum condoms and made blow up balloon animals with them. I must have forgotten a wrapper on the floor. I mean come on if I was cheating on you don't you think I would be more careful? The answer is no!

Your thoughts...

kisses,
diariesofacrazysinglegirl@gmail.com

Coupon Queen

2009-04-28T22:04:00.005-04:00

Well I decided to take a little twist in this blog topic and do the domestic thing.

Although I am far from Susie-Homemaker (I burn cornflakes, run from crying babies, and leave my laundry in the dryer for weeks) but deep down, locked away somewhere I do believe there is a domestic Jackie just waiting to grocery shop, change diapers and breast feed (OK maybe not the last one, I'm too vain to ruin my boobs) but I can appreciate sharp ideas when it comes to the home, family and I think we can all agree on this one... saving MONEY!

That black cloud called the economy hangs over our heads daily, and it does not seem to show signs of a passing storm anytime soon. In the midst of our perfect storm I would like to draw your attention to a spunky little ray of light.

Approximately ten miles north of New York City you will find my very upscale hometown. The land of Botox, BMW's, and Black Amexs. Wal-Mart is a four letter word where I come from. However, not to be defined by stereo-types there is an amazing family that lives by the rolling green hills of the local golf course. In that tiny corner of our town you will also find kind hearts, pure genius, unparalleled personality, and most importantly solutions to just about anything, including saving when you shop.

Susan Samtur, more famously known as the Coupon Queen, aside from being fabulous, has also been teaching the nation for nearly 40 years how to save money, and does it by leading through example. With the recent economic meltdown Susan has reminded us all how easy and effective coupon and refund use can be. Check out her appearance on CNN.

Susan's Clip on CNN

kisses

Case of the Ex

2009-04-25T16:09:00.006-04:00

There is a question when it comes to relationships of past that is older than what came first, the chicken or the egg? That question is can you be friends with an ex?

I think what it all comes down to is how did the relationship end? Why did it end? And how painful was it for both parties involved? Also, how much time has passed since the relationship ended? And lastly, are all of the feelings and emotions gone for both people?

How did the relationship end? Was it cheating? Falling out love? Feelings for another person? Distance? You wanted different things, or were at different places in life? These are all things that are important to take into consideration when it comes to being friends with your ex.

Cheating I think is a tough one, because even if you have moved on, part of you still identifies with that painful feeling, and that let down, broken trust is difficult to repair. I'm not saying it can't be done, but personally I think that the lack of trust would always be on the back burner thus making friendship challenging.

Falling out of love is a double edge sword. If you both fell out of love perhaps it is more simple, but I feel that rarely happens, and if one of you was still in love chances are the break up was much more painful for you.

I think any occasion where a third party (other person) was involved you can just kiss all chances of being friends goodbye because it's too bitter, even if a lot time has passed, it's just too much baggage to carry into a friendship.

I think if your relationship ended because it had just run its course, you moved apart, life took you in different directions, which certainly happens quite often then I see no reason why you can not mend the friendship aspect of your relationship.

Also, I think it is pretty easy to be friendly with some of your earlier exes. The high school sweetheart who took your v-card for example. So much times has passed by now, and you are completely different people. I don't see how a little maturity can't help sustain a friendship there.

If you loved someone, won't part of you always love them regardless of what has happened? I mean do those feelings ever completely go away? I have been IN love with many guys in my life. I had my first love, who I did in that stereo-typical first love way, and there has been one other guy that I have/still do love in a really big way. My other boyfriends, relationships, casual encounters etc have not been big emotional chunks for me, and therefore I do not have a problem being friendly with them. The courtesy "hello" e-mail every six months, or the "just checking in" texts are all fine and dandy for me.

I have a few guys who I don't really care enough to talk to because quiet frankly I don't feel like putting in the effort, nor do I have any interest in their lives. A few months ago I got a random phone call from a guy I used to hook up with who I had not spoken to in years! He sounded all excited to catch up and stay in touch, while I was kinda like "honestly, I'm never going to call you, sorry." That is just how it is.

On the flip side, I recently had an ex who was going through some difficult times. We haven't been friendly since our break up many years ago, but he reached out to me for advice. Although I no longer love this person, nor do I know much about who they have become, I was happy to listen and give him my advice. Once upon a time I did care about him, and when someone I cared about is in need I can't just turn an icy shoulder away and ignore them. Now does that constitute as our friendship has been re-stored? No, I wouldn't consider us friends. It was more of, I cared about you once, if you ever need anything I am always here to listen. I am sure many of you can relate to that!

I have friends who say all different things when it comes to being friends with the ex. Some say yes, some say eh, other says no.

My one Latin teacher friend says absolutely not! It is a bad idea and not possible. In her defense all her exes are pretty blah.

I have one friend who hadn't spoken to her ex in years, and they started talking again, and decided to go out to dinner to catch up. They have been pretty neutral ever since, drama free :-)

My one friend is pretty close with her ex now, however that took years... But they do speak daily now. She was always way too good for him though so it's a non-issue.

I guess it all comes down to where you are in life. Have you both moved on, have you grown up? Can you truly put the past behind you and look forward?

I would love to hear your opinions or stories on this to feel to comment.

Kisses!
diariesofacrazysinglegirl@gmail.com

On Being Alone

2009-04-11T13:06:00.005-04:00

Sorry I have not updated in a while. I get stumped for topics something so any suggestions are always welcome.

I'm not really one of those "relationship" people. I have relationships like everyone else, but I've never been a relationship person. You are prob thinking right now that I make no sense. Allow me to explain the difference. There are relationship people, and there are people in or not in relationships.

Relationship people: People who literally can not be without a significant other. You know the type, they have had a gf/bf since they were 12. Serial monogamist who won't get out of a relationship unless they already have one lined up. You find it in both men and women. People who just need to have someone, they can't not be in a relationship it feels unnatural to them. I know my description might make it seem like that is a bad thing. If you are a relationship person I somewhat apologize if I have offended you, but not a lot. These tends to be your friends who say well I don't want to break up with him/her because then I will just be alone.

People in/not in relationships: I am one of these people. I feel these people choose to be in relationships because they want to be in them, not because they NEED to be in them. They know they can be alone, perhaps they have gone for years being single. They feel perfectly comfortable with being alone, they aren't afraid of it. They won't get into a relationship purely because they don't want to be alone, they will get into a relationship for reasons ABC... and who knows maybe they even get into a relationship because dare I say it THEY LIKE THE PERSON! ha ha

I feel a little like a strange mutant to be honest. I have had a sprinkled mixed of relationships vs. single time. But even when I am in relationships I always feel alone. I never quite have felt that I am a half of a whole sensation. Even reading journals from my first relationships, I always said how I never truly felt like I was in this massively defining relationship. I think I always feel single to a degree.

To be honest, I think I have become more comfortable with being alone. Not like a-sexual alone. I mean relationship alone. I'm not sure if I have just developed a certain numbness over time, or if that is just my personality, but I like being able to come and go as I please. I don't like having "obligations." I like my quirks too. Like for example, I love watching shows on line. I love sitting my bed, opening my laptop and catching up on shows. And I enjoy eating a bowl of cereal in bed while doing that. I like being able to have a face mask, my hair a mess and my glasses on while I eat cereal and watch my shows. What did they call that on SATC "secret single person behavior." I don't like the idea that someone might think I don't look good if my hair isn't straight and my contacts aren't in. And that I shouldn't eat cereal in the bed, and that I should pay attention to them and no my laptop.

I know that is just the small example and something that in a relationship could be worked out in a compromise blah blah blah to all you relationship people.

Do you ever feel like changing yourself in a relationship is so not worth it? I mean I have tweaked little things about me for men before. Changed some habits they didn't like, maybe wore things they were more in favor of, did my hair the way they like it etc etc. But then things always fall apart anyway, and then I just feel like a loser for changing anything about me in the first place.

SO NOT WORTH IT...

kisses!

Tales from the Dale

2009-04-06T19:54:00.009-04:00

Happy Monday! I hope you all head a wonderful weekend. I certainly did! It was filled with alcohol, great sporting events, 90s music, baby T's and brunch. It went by too quickly, as great weekends tend to do.

As I mentioned in my previous blog, I had brunch with my friends from HS on Sunday morning/afternoon. One of the things I love about them is we can not see one another for 6 months, even a year, and pick up exactly where we left off. Inside jokes still in tact, fresh gossip ready to be digested, tons of laughs, and all around good company.

My precious sense of direction was also tested this weekend when I arrived at Cafeteria in Chelsea (17Th and 7Th) only to find out we were actually meeting on the UES at 78Th and 2ND. While we were at brunch blogging came up and my friend we will call her Miss CC for short brought up the fact that I never blog HS stories, despite the years of material they supplied for me.

I got to brainstorming and decided this blog will pay homage to my favorite memories from the early teen years.

I would like to begin by letting everyone know that I was in fact a very good kid growing up. I never drank, smoked pot or cigarettes etc etc until I was around 17 years old. I was a HUGE goody-goody and also the most prudent of my friends... some of you may find this to be shocking, but I assure you it is always the repressed ones that end up writing saucy blogs when they grow up.

Story #1 comes from my friend the Russian Princess. We were about 15 years old and she went out with her boyfriend and his friends, They were seniors it was very mature! She had spent the night experimenting with the affects of alcohol, and came home to her parents, piss drunk and puking everywhere. She told her parents she had been at my house, and I convinced her to drink with me. That's right she blamed it on me! The only party going on at my house was the Disney movie marathon I was watching, and the gardening AOL chat room I was pranking. I could not face her parents for months after that!

Story #2 Speaking of Parties... Sophomore year of HS the Persian Princess (not Russian) threw the BIGGEST party I have attended to date. Her parents were in CA, and she had EVERYONE and then some at her house for a St. Patty's Friday night bash. We were baby sophomores, but it was BEYOND amazing to see Juniors AND Seniors at her party. That is until the cops came and broke up our little Animal house. They rounded us up like cattle took down our names, told us they were going to call all of your parents etc etc etc. This party was so huge even the teachers at school knew about it on Monday morning. She became a legend for it... a grounded legend, but a legend none-the-less.

Story #3 Miss. D and I once saw a pregnant bird on school grounds... it was pregnant until we realized that birds lay eggs, they do not give live birth. It was just a fat bird

Story #4 Miss D. and I saw a kid in our school driving in a black PT cruiser, I told her it looked like a hearse, she told me no, it looked like one of those funeral cars.

Story #5 The first time I got high... Miss CC went through a phase where she enjoyed herbal refreshments. She had all kinds of different pieces and flavors of weed etc etc. She taught me how to smoke out of a bowl, she was very nice and used the lighter for me since I was innocent, and proceeded to get me blazed out of my mind. Then took me to some randoms persons apt put me on the couch with some people I don't know, and left me there to tell them that my head feels clear but my body doesn't and that I understand I sound silly but I don't mean to, I just can't help it because this is my first time knowing what it feels like to be high. I told them this for the better part of 2 hours until she finally took me home. Thank you Miss. CC.

Story #6 Miss CC taught me how to give a hand job during an assembly Sophomore year. She had me use my fore arm for practice and told me that moving the skin up and down would be sufficient practice. She also told me to watch out for pre-cum, it can shoot out and hit me. Thank you Miss. CC.

Story #7 Rocket Scientist (RS) and I got stoned, drove around our home town, and she pointed to the house of a girl we used to hang out with in 5Th grade. She proceeded to blurt out "Man her mom was an angry dyke." Then we went to see anchorman and fell asleep in the theater.

Story #8 K-dawg supported me as we walked around the park, held me as I cried uncontrollably about the fact that I needed to break up with my boyfriend because we had been going out for 8 months, he wanted to touch my boob, he was drinking ALCOHOL and smoking POT and I just couldn't be with someone so out of control, no matter how much I loved them. Thank you for never putting me in an insane asylum K-Dawg.

There are 100s of stories, I could go on for days and days but I just picked a few for this little sample. My friends were always very good to me. Came to every pep-rally because I was a cheerleader, put up with my pureness, taught me about the "bases" and were there to witness my first experiences with "The Alcohol" and "The Marijuana." I will try to pepper my blog with "Tales from the Dale" a little more often

Kisses
diariesofacrazysinglegirl@gmail.com

MakeOver!

2009-04-03T22:18:00.006-04:00

I decided to spice up the layout of my blog! I think it looks pretty great... but I would love to hear your thoughts. Reminder I adore getting your comments and e-mails, so please don't hesitate to leave one.

I have a pretty exciting weekend in front of me. Tomorrow I am going to the Yankees/Cubs game during the afternoon. I have AMAZING seats and I CAN NOT wait to see the new stadium. I will def take 100s of pictures, so stay tuned for those. One of my co-workers was going to the game tonight and his friends called him and said they were bar hopping IN the stadium. So believe me I can not wait for tomorrow.

Sat night we're having a 90's themed party over here in Brooklyn. We figured the 80's has been done to death, so why not do the 90's? I got this amazing shirt on e-bay. I am not sure if many of you will remember this but, Hard Candy used to have a nail polish and lipstick line. They were super trendy with risky names, and the nail polish came with a rubber ring. Well for a very limited time hard candy made promo baby T's during their launch. I remember a in 6th grade several girls had them. Well, I found one and it's TINY!!!! It is black with a silver heart that says Hard Candy, and below that "Trailer Trash" which was their silver shade. Don't worry, there will also be pictures from the party. I am looking forward to rocking out to Alanis, Nirvana, Pearl Jam, Deep Blue Something, etc etc etc.

On Sunday I am having brunch with a bunch of my friends from HS. I hardly ever get to see them, even though we all live in NYC so it will be very fun to catch up over mimosas!

I hope everyone else enjoys their weekend!

Kisses

Things I like to do when I am bored...

2009-03-29T20:55:00.007-04:00

I would like to preface this blog by saying that I have no plans to get engaged or married in the near future. It is just something that is not anywhere in sight on my horizon. That being said, I have begun to really enjoy picking out engagement rings, wedding dresses, and bridesmaids dresses.

I am not sure why I enjoy doing this, especially since I am not doing any wedding planning. To be perfectly honest, I was never a wedding planner kind of girl. I didn't grow up and play lets get married with boys when they came over. Note: my little sister would do that to boys, and then make them take family photos with them, her baby dolls, and their stuffed dogs. Poor kid prob just wanted to come over for some milk and cookies.

So tonight I was sitting in my room and we got on the subject of engagement rings, which ended with me, and my two roommates finding website to design out rings on. I have picked mine out. This is what I would like it to look like.

I want a single stone, round cut, 2 carats and a knife edge platinum band. I want the cut to be exquisite and the color to be around a F or G. The clarity I don't really care to much about. (I decided to learn about the 4 C's tonight)

My roommate Miss E. then started looking at wedding dresses, which prompted me to do the same. This is the one I have picked out. It is a very simple, classic dress.

Then I went a step further to pick out my bridesmaids dresses. I don't usually like dresses with busy prints on them, but I really like these. They aren't set in stone, but I do like them.

So that is what I did with my evening. I planned out my whole wedding. I guess it's a good thing it is all over and done with now, because I prob have a good ten years before it actually happens.

Some of you are prob reading this thinking I am crazy, but I'm not. Because of every girl does that, so to all you men who think I'm nuts, I'm not. And all you girls who think I'm a loser... well you would do the same so hush.

Anyways, feel free to do the same :-)

Jewel in Financial District!

2009-03-28T13:24:00.005-04:00

Little known Manhattan fact... if you are looking to prey on a sharp dressed, good looking, employed gentleman you need to stop going to happy hours in midtown.

I used to work for a magazine in their downtown office. I don't mean downtown like Canal Street down town. I mean Wall St downtown. I did not love working down there, the commute is a pain, buildings are still a mess, and ground zero is as haunting as ever, but I did discover a well hidden jewel in NYC. It is a bar/pub called Ulysses. Located on Pearl St. It is in the middle of no where, but let me tell you, BEAUTIFUL men EVERYWHERE. The service is good, I love the potato skins, the beer is excellent, and the scenery is grade A top quality.

I went with my friend from college, and my one other female co-worker. I work in sports advertising so it's pretty much an all male office. No complaints though, I like working with guys, much less drama.

Anyway, we had a few drinks, and objectified the bulk of the patrons at the bar. I even went to far as the ask the man next to us how he rates women. Like on a scale of 1-10 could he point out a woman to me that is like a five. He was a good sport too, he totally did it. Then I asked who would rank higher a girl with a beautiful face but an ok body, or a girl with a slamming body but a blah face. He said it really depends on the guy, but a deal breaker for him is actually the woman's voice. She could be a model but if he voice is a annoying its a deal breaker. This was fascinating to me. I mean it seems like a no brainer, but I never actually thought about it before. If a girl is stunning, she could lose all her credits the moment she opens her mouth.

How did all of this come up you might ask? Well I started saying how I am a hit or miss. I am really tall and I have red hair and fake green eyes. Men either think I am beautiful or hideous, it's one of two extremes. I am very rarely considered a 5. So I needed a visual understanding of what a five looks like.

So that was my Friday :-)

Cleveland Rocks?

2009-03-22T13:04:00.005-04:00

I am not sure if many of you have been to Buffalo, NY. Chances are if you read my blog, you most likely did go, because I don't think THAT many people read my blog, and the one's who do know me. I am also a huge loser and only have about 2 friends who aren't from college, and I went to college at SUNY Buffalo. Thus, I feel confident that 99% of you will be able to appreciate the humor of this video.

Brian Herberger is a teacher/comedian from Buffalo. He went to UB, and was an English major. He also is a very good friend of mine, we had several classes together and he lived in the apt below my sorority house. We heart Brian!!!

He has made a video called "Cleveland Rocks?" It is a 5 mins tribute to the great city of Buffalo, NY. Brian perfectly displays his quick whit, and smart humor in what I believe is a hilarious tip of the hat to a rust belt of a city. Well done Brian!

Let me know what you :-)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=THwOMs8Mlpc

Kisses

The Sixth(Dicks) Sense

2009-03-20T20:58:00.002-04:00

I would like to discuss a phenomenon with all of you. It a growing epidemic that I first noticed several years ago, but seems to be getting worse as I age... the Dicks Sense.

I truly believe men have an innate system in them, that lets them know the moment you stop thinking about them, are happy, moving on, or in the company of another gentlemen.

Several years ago I was seeing this guy, and then out of the blue he stopped calling me. Good, great, grand wonderful we all know that story. I cried my eyes out for weeks, obsessed over why he was not calling me, what did I do blah blah blah. Eventually I found a distraction. What do you think happened the very first night I brought home a new guy? DING DING Mr. MIA resurfaced with a "whats up" text message.

Lather, rinse, repeat, I once had an agonizing break up. Things ended badly, and I wanted him back so terribly, however he would not answer any of my calls, e-mails, IMs and other various stalking gestures. Enough time when by, I moved forward, what did he do? A week after I started seeing someone else, he drunkenly called me at 2am.

Once, I was post another painful break-up. I was on my very first date after him, having a pretty decent time and for a split moment forgot about how sad I was, and how much I missed him. What happened? My phone vibrated during dinner and guess who?!?!?! DING DING

These things do not just happen to me. A while Miss M, has a "male friend" who acting strange and aloof which was very unusual. He is usually one of those "chatty" guys. The kind you know will always answer your IMs or text. However, after three weeks of his unsolved mystery disappearance Miss M. had a nighttime guest over, and guess who rang at 4am? DING DING

How do they do it? How do they know the moment you have stopped thinking about them? I swear someone has all of our rooms bugged. I feel like men always know the exact moment to reach out, to stay in your good graces, but not a moment sooner.

I wish I knew how to do that. For starters I am awful about "disappearing" I feel it's too cruel to just ignore someone for months. I almost always answer my text messages, and promptly. I will call people back if I have missed their call. I even send a courtesy "hello" from time to time, just to see how you are. I have never been good at the whole leave you alone and wondering for a month, and then I will resurface. I wish I was, I feel it is a somewhat powerful trait men seem to have. I am quiet jealous if I do say so. I just can't bring myself to be that way. And I feel that if I did, I would never reach back out at such a opportune moment (i.e. they are with a lady.) Knowing me I would call them during their grandmothers birthday party or something equally as glamorous.

Needless to say, I don't know how you guys do it. It's impressive as hell. It's a nature, not a nurture thing, you're all born with it. I hope you all continue to use it to the best of your ability because on behalf of women everywhere, we will be counting on those late night phone calls to blindside us from time to time.

What I've learned: Evidently on St. Patrick's Day the guy I used to hook up with 2 years ago was wearing a "Kilt" or so he informed me circa midnight.
Disclaimer: He was not the inspiration for this blog, that text was actually not shocking.

Babies, Pets and Embroys

2009-02-23T12:22:00.008-05:00

I would like everyone to take note of the picture I have posted. About a year ago I was at JFK airport. All the planes were delayed for hours, which means everyone in the terminal was DRUNK! I sat down at my favorite jetblue bar and began getting hammered myself. I was on the phone with Miss. M and I pulled out my digital camera to scan through my pictures. When the above picture came across my screen the very drunk woman sitting next to me slurred "Oh my god, you have beautiful children." For the record: those are my dolls, and my cat. Keep reading...

Today I would like to write about something that is a pet peeve of mine. As Peter Griffin would say "You know what really grinds my gears?" People who make their facebook/myspace/other social networking sites default picture their kids, sonograms or pets!

For starters, I would like to say I do not have children. I am sure this blog will be quite offensive to some people, I don't exactly apologize for my opinions, but if you think you will find this offensive I suggest you stop reading now and go coddle your child.

I find it is rather common that people lose all sense of their individuality when they become parents, especially women. Have you ever met someone who you felt their parents were living vicariously through their children? You know you have.

I think becoming a parent is great. I hope I become a mother some day. However, I wouldn't say it is what I was born to do. I was not born to birth, I was born to accomplish things, to use my unique skills and talents to help better the world. Do I think becoming a mother is something wonderful? Of course I do, but if I ever become a mother I will not be defined by such. A mother is what I will do, not who I will be.

Facebook pictures of your baby, or multiple kids irritates me. If it's a picture of you with your kid, that is OK, you are IN the picture, it is of you. However, you are not your son/daughter, you are you and they are themselves. You are not a toddler/infant, newborn etc etc etc. And further more don't force me to tell you that your kid is cute. NEWSFLASH: Everyone thinks their kid is cute. I don't think the fact that your kid can sit in its chair with that sucky thing it puts in its mouth and stare like a deer in headlights at the camera constitutes them for the runway anytime soon. If I think your kid is cute, I will tell you, but personally I think all babies look like aliens. And for the record, my mother has flat out said I was an ugly baby, and she knew it. She didn't think I was cute until I was around two, and when people told her how beautiful her infant was she rolled her eyes and said I'm the mother and even I know my baby is not cute. I applaud my mother for this.

Sonograms! You have to be kidding me about the freaking sonograms! I am a woman, I understand I am supposed to wet myself over sonogram pictures, but you know what, I don't. Back to my first thought, you are NOT a sonogram, so why is it your default picture? Second, please do not bombard me with the inside of your vagina. I should not have to look at it if I do not want to. Its your vagina, with your thing-a-magigy growing inside it. Some people don't think it's the miracle of life, some think, oh wow that is gross. Please do not throw your sonograms at me and force me to look at them. Ask me if I would like to see your sonogram pictures. Let me mentally prepare myself to see your snatch. I vow that if I am ever knocked up I will always ask people first if they want to see my sonogram pictures. And now they have those 3D sonograms where you see the eye sockets and tons of fluid. OH HELL NO!!!!!!! I do not love your placenta, please don't make me look at it against my will. The next sonogram I see as someones default I am personally writing on their wall with "I hope you loose control of your bowels while in labor and shit all over the table in front of everyone!" TRUE STORY!

Pets, pets, pets. I have a cat. His name is Sebastian. He is adorable and I love him. He smells like the sewer, he's fat, and is a total spazz, but I freaking love my cat, he is the best. I'm not a cat. I'm not a dog, a bird, a fish, etc etc etc. I am a human, full grown. Why the hell would I make Sebastian my facebook picture? For starters, if someone is stalking me on facebook, and they want to show their friends how hot I am, how are they supposed to do that if I am a cat? They can't!!!! I love animals, but I don't give a crap if you dressed your dog up like a bumble bee for Halloween and now think the world actually cares. I'm sorry that you are baron and need to substitute pets for the fact that you can't have children, but a dog dressed up as a bumble bee is not the same thing as a baby. Go adopt a third world country brat, dress them up as a bumble bee, then jump in the picture with them and make it your default. Case closed.

And these brides with their pets. Holy crap WTF is going on with that? First of all, I plan to not eat or drink anything if I ever have a wedding because I know I will spill it all over the white. I should really wear black to my wedding. When wearing white you need to take ALL precautions to avoid stains, and picking up your cat or dog to take a picture IS NOT doing that. Sebastian would shed all over me, tear up my dress, and prob pee on me just to spite the fact that he is no longer the only man in my life. And dogs? ARE YOU SERIOUS! I hope your dog craps all over your perfect day, I really do.

Now that I have probably offended a whole bunch of people I will conclude with what I have learned: I have learned that I vow never loose my sense of self, to keep the contents of my cooch to those who wish to see it, and to keep animals away from my wedding.

"Blow JobFollies"

2009-02-16T21:55:00.007-05:00

I have decided to continue our discussion about blow jobs from my previous entry. I am currently reading "I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell" by Tucker Max, so far it is pretty great, I recommend it to any fellow pervert. Tucker has chapter called "Blow Job Follies" and it is compilation of his various memorable blow jobs over the course of a decade. They are hilarious encounters from the male perspective.

I have decided to spin off his idea, with my recounts from the female perspective giving head. Some of these stories are from personal experiences, others have "heard around town" aka my friends.

My first dick sucking experience came relatively late in life. I was at the ripe ole' age of 18, home from my first semester of freshmen year at college. (Take a moment to make fun of me, this is perfectly acceptable.) He was a 26 year old member of the NYPD. You see Sept. 11Th had occurred just over a year ago, and members of NYs Finest were holding a special place in my heart. I felt I was providing a patriotic service, by servicing him. Did I mention he was my neighbor, who was still living at home with his parents. I have impeccable taste if nothing else.

One night we got to talking and he rather pervertedly said I was "developing nicely." Classy, I know. Now, in retrospect this is eerie and follows guidelines for what I believe lead someone up to appearances on Datelines to "Catch a Predator." However, as I said, I was 18, and suffering from "Daddy Issues," I felt MY "developing nicely" was a huge compliment. So what did I do? I made arrangements to sneak out of the window of my parents basement, (because the front door made too much noise) and climb up the stairs of his parents house where he lead to me his room. He then procceed to showed me his NYPD issued "gun" and then took off my pants. Coincidentally, this was also my first experience with receiving oral sex. It was the receiving that lead to the giving. It was out guilt, and also relief.

While he was going down on me, he asked it it "felt good." I was entirely too nervous, and too naive to even know what good would have felt like. I was busy staring at the Godfather posters on his wall, but I did managed to reply with a "what, uh, yeah it's great!" He then said, "darn it, I don't have any condoms." Let us pause for a moment here. This is when the relief comes in. I was a virgin, and though I have never pretended to be a person of high standards when it came to my hook ups, I did not wish to lose my v-card in this fashion. So I cheerfully replied with "oh that's ok!" He told me that he would go down on me till I finished. I wasn't sure what that meant, but out of boredom approximately 2 mins later I informed him him "I was finished" and it was his turn.

I was quivering, this was my first time seeing a male penis up close and personal. I can't say I was feeling rather confidant on what I would do down there. However, I knew a few key things that my guy friends had mentioned. No teeth, lots of spit, and use your hand. So I did just that. I hid under the blanket the entire time so he wouldn't see my face that may have given away that fact I had no idea what I was doing. And then, in an instant it happened. The tap. I got a tap on the shoulder and then he moved his hips, and slid out of my mouth. "I'm about to be done" he warned. Now looking back, I have to admit this was polite. He was pulling out of my mouth so he wouldn't go in it. I didn't know that, so I put it back in my mouth, and kept on going until it tasted as what will remain memorable to this day... bitter saltiness.

It is a big day in a woman's life when she tastes cum for the first time. A milestone, right to passage, a coming of age moment, if you will. I didn't know what to do with this bizarre substance that was now in my mouth, so I swallowed it to make it go away. He fell in love with me. Thus my mouth lost its virginity, and I learned that I am a swallower.

Another story, friend of mine from college, was giving a guy a blow job, while chewing gum. JV MOVE! The gum disappeared, not to be found until he went to zip up his pants, and it was all over the zipper. I heard his mom got the gum out with vinegar. I'll be sure to remember that when I have sons of my own.

Different friend from college, was seeing this gentleman friend. It was a Sunday afternoon. They had been having a lot of sex, but he was whining for a good BJ. She proceeded to give in to his requests, and gave him head.

While they are doing this, she gets bored, and then all of a sudden she does not feel anything. Now in the past she has said she can always tell when the person finishes, but on this occasion she could not.

He was rather well endowed, as she removed her mouth to readjust, his excrement's came dribbling out, she proceeded to laugh hysterically, but he got angry because she didn't swallow. And then told her that his ex girlfriend always knew when he would finish. She replied, well yeah, I'm not your gf, and continued to laugh hysterically over the fact that she DID NOT swallow.

Miss. M, her first boyfriend requested that she swallow because he felt it would bring them closer. High School boys are so funny. She did it anyone, for him. They didn't get married though.

I have girlfriends who refuse to give head, who will only give head when they are drunk, and who will only give head period... no sex. I personally enjoy a colorful canvas. If I like you, you have a good chance of getting head from me, but I won't finish, I will do it for awhile and then when I have you eating out of the palm of my hand switch gears and turn to good old fashion intercourse. One time I was hooking up with a guy and he was enjoying a beverage with ice. I took the ice out of his drink, put it in my mouth and proceeded to but other things in my mouth as well :-) I got very positive feedback on that one.

Occasions I feel it is necessary to give a blow job:
When you receive jewelry, birthdays, anniversaries, steak and BJ day, when you have your period, if a member of their family or close friend has died, loses his job, engagement, promotions, other noteworthy gifts, when you're really drunk and want to, his team has won some type of championship game, being deployed or return from it, and vacations.

kisses,

diariesofacrazysinglegirl@gmail.com

Valentine

2009-02-10T10:07:00.004-05:00

I apologize it has been awhile. I would like to tell you I have been swamped and just entirely to busy to write, but that is simply not true. I have just been lazy. Also my life the last few weeks has not been THAT exciting, thus I struggle with topics to blog about.

Let's talk about the up-and-coming holiday I despise more than any other holiday. VALENTINE'S DAY! Also known as Single Person Awareness Day, Reason to Remind my Wife Should Have Sex With Me Day, Cheesy Commercialism Day, or Fake the Romance Day. Yes, I hate Valentine's Day. I think it is a stupid holiday. It is not because I'm a hater, not at all. I hate Valentine's Day even when I am in a relationship. You know why? Because no one is sincere about it. I have never been with a guy who wanted to celebrate it, and that ruins the whole experience. Who wants to force someone to enjoy the day? I have always felt like it is making someone pretend to love me against their will day, and that just sucks.

I am doomed to be miserable every Feb 14th. If I am single, I look around and see all the other women getting flowers sent to the office, going to dinner, getting jewelery, eating their chocolates. Yeah screw you bitch, I hope that box of truffles goes straight to your ass, I'll take my bitter shot of whiskey and my size two jeans any day!

When I am in a relationship on Valentine's Day, I'm just as cynical. For one I feel bad if I get flowers to my office, because it's ostentatious. I hate the women who get them and parade around like it is some accomplishment they have a man who sent them flowers for a 50% hiked up price on the day of LOVE! I certainly do not want to be that woman.

I have also never come across a man who enjoyed Valentine's Day. It is like a chore for them. A reminder to be nice. A random day to set off the "let me show you I care about you" pony show. I would much rather have someone leave me a single flower on my pillow for me to wake up to on April 8th. I like the random acts of affection. The moments and gestures that come just because, not out of obligation.

When I was in college, my boyfriend at the time took me out for V-Day. We went to Bennigens for the early bird special, and then he started telling me about how when we get married, our wedding will be about $50,000 but I can save money and buy a used wedding dress. First let me say, there is a big difference between USED and VINTAGE. I am all for a vintage Chanel dressed. USED is I have a pre-stain or two, frocks of lace, puffy sleeves, and 80's gala glitter off the rack of the Goodwill. There will be no used, thus no wedding, thus this Valentine's Day is over Sir! (yeah we broke up shortly after)

You know what I think is a great holiday. Steak and Blow Job day! Honestly, I think it's brilliant. For starters every website you visit has a different date in March, they can't seem to pick just one. Which means for mean they don't actually care when it is. And also, it is a simple, classy, intimate occasion. You cook a guy a steak, and then you give him a B.J. I mean think about how appreciative of that he is. It costs a fraction of what V-day does. You don't have to go anywhere to show the world that you care about each other. You have to eat anyway, so it is serves basic nutritional needs. And I personally believe a good guy every once in awhile deserves a good blow job. Not everyday, but once in a while, I think it's a nice way to say "I love you" or "I was thinking about you." What do you think says I love you more Flowers, cards and candy? Or Steak and BJ? (Perhaps a smoke and a pancake?) I am all for S and BJ Day!

This Valentine's Day I challenge you to be creative, not cheesy. Like myself for example I will be out to dinner, decked out in my finest with my three other single friends. And then we will stumble our way to a Murry Hill Bar, get hammered to 80s music, then get depressed, drunkenly text out ex's or people we wish loved us, and then come home and sob into the pillow about how hard life has been until we pass out :-) No one can say we are unoriginal!

What I have learned: CafePress makes a t-shirt that says I heart S & BJ Day!

Kisses,
diariesofacrazysinglegirl@gmail.com

Super Bowl!!!!!

2009-02-02T10:22:00.005-05:00

Happy Post Superbowl everyone!

I have to admit, great game. That was so true 60 min football! Just a few thoughts of mine

Being a Patriots fan I did not appreciate the 5 min replays of Tyree's catch last year at the beginning of the game.

I am usually a Faith Hill fan but he sweater resembled "Lunch Lady."However, Jennifer Hudson has a set of pipes on her AMAZING!

Harrison's mad dash across the field generated several "Holy Shit" gasps from me while I was downing my bottle of wine.

Kurt Warner pulls at my heart strings. I was rooting on Pittsburgh, but he has a special place in my heart. I have to admit I felt terrible with his last call on the game ended up being a fumble. He deserved a better ending than that! His gracious comments after the game while he looked dashing in his suite were nothing short of first class.

And finally Holmes catch for the game winning TD with virtually no time left on the clock. I kept screaming with a drunken Miss M. "he touched both feet down its a TD he touched both feet down they have to call it!!!" It was madness.

The game was nothing short of "Epic" as they are saying. Congrats to both teams on a game well play.

PS. Obama is awesome to saying "I'm rooting for the Steelers" good for him, way to pick a team! ROCK STAR!

Now on the commercial. Everyone LOVES the commercials. Below is an article for AdAge rating each one. I thought it was pretty interesting.

Cash4Gold? On the Super Bowl? Really?

Things are even worse than we thought.

Not because it's pitiful that the down-and-out Ed McMahon and MC Hammer should humiliate themselves before 100 million appalled eyewitnesses. Not because in the Dustbowl Super Bowl poor NBC is reduced to accepting a schlocky direct-response spot thinly disguised as a winking spoof of schlocky direct-response spots. Not even because the economy is so bad that we're panicked into trading our jewelry and bridgework for 17¢ on the dollar of gold value.


Here's schlocky: Cash4Gold spot not clever, but it works.

.

The truly scary thing is that this skeazy exercise from Euro RSCG Edge and Arnold Worldwide will generate, by far, the biggest ROI of the Super Bowl. With the financial structures of advertising in a state of collapse, if creativity is so beside-the-point, then what is the point?

Answer that to the Leading National Advertisers' satisfaction, and you'll get cash for gold.

Oh, and for what it's worth, there were those other ads ...

COKE ZERO

CRISPIN PORTER & BOGUSKY

A word-for-word, shot-for-shot remake of Coke's sainted 1980 "Mean Joe Greene" ad, this one with the Steeler's Troy Polamalu, is interrupted by the now-familiar "Coke" brand managers. Now they're infuriated that not just the flagship's taste but its sacred imagery is being stolen by Coke Zero. Brilliant. And the updated jersey-tossing moment is a perfect kicker.

MONSTER.COM

BBDO, NEW YORK

The moose! The moose! We don't care if it's implicitly crude. We've never seen this joke before, and the joke, she is perfect.

DENNY'S

GOODBY, SILVERSTEIN & PARTNERS, SAN FRANCISCO

Ever wonder why movie mobsters won't use a phone but will sit in a diner booth loudly discussing their plans? So did Denny's, which shows us a table of wiseguys planning a whack -- but interrupted by a cheerful waitress spraying aerosol whipped cream onto their happy-face pancakes. Hilarious. Plus ... a free breakfast for everybody in America? Amazing, if it doesn't backfire. (We suppose delivery is out of the question.)

HULU

CRISPIN

Alec Baldwin, in his "30 Rock" persona, admits TV is a conspiracy to rot your brain ... and now it's even easier, thanks to Hulu. Very, very funny. We'd fault it for not explaining just how Hulu lets you watch TV free online, but, jeez, "1984" didn't exactly demonstrate the Mac, did it?

CAREERBUILDER

WIEDEN & KENNEDY, PORTLAND, ORE.

How to tell if you don't like your job, vividly dramatized, in a "House That Jack Built" litany. We, of course, cannot relate because those of us in the finding-fault-with-others industry enjoy not merely professional but also spiritual fulfillment -- but about 90 million other suckers started uploading resumes posthaste.

CARS.COM

DDB, CHICAGO

The charming storytelling makes up for a missed opportunity: Why don't we see the ultraconfident hero totally freaking out at the prospect of getting hosed by a car dealer? Still, another sterling example of the power of narrative, and the pie-chart bit is wonderful.

COCA-COLA

WIEDEN & KENNEDY

"Heist" and "Avatar" are two very cheerful stories with fairy-tale sensibilities and "Open Happiness" endings. They're technically flawless and hugely product-centric. "Avatar" is even culturally timely. But they're cotton candy: sweet and insubstantial, and gone with barely a trace.

E-TRADE

GREY, NEW YORK

The baby is back, this time with a sidekick, another infant who childishly changes the subject from the shattered economy to sing an old Mr. Mister track, "Wings," in adult falsetto. Hmm, but is he changing the subject after all? "Take these broken wings and learn to fly again." Weird, adorable, funny and -- if you foolishly believe E-Trade is a solution to anything -- pointed.

GATORADE

TBWA/CHIAT/DAY, LOS ANGELES

The striking black-and-white panorama of sports icons -- now officially revealing itself as a Gatorade commercial. That settles that. What's G? So far so Good but Going to Get annoying if the agency doesn't Get busy.

GENERAL ELECTRIC

BBDO, NEW YORK

The Oz scarecrow is reimagined, stuffed with wire and semiconductors, singing (in Ray Bolger's original track) about a smarter power grid. It almost defies even the eco-magination that transmission and distribution confers corporate warm and fuzzies. But it does.

HYUNDAI

GOODBY, SILVERSTEIN & PARTNERS

Who needs jokes, CGI or chimpanzees when you have an extraordinary offer? Buy a new Hyundai and, if you lose your job, return the car at no risk to your credit. That is advertising in its purest form: news. On the other hand, a little dramedy is nice, too, such as depicting your jealous performance-luxury competitors angrily screaming your brand name to subordinates because you've been named Car of the Year. The idea is old; the execution, flawless.

NFL

IN-HOUSE/BBDO, NEW YORK

True Tales of NFL Success II: Usama Young, the world's worst stadium snow-cone vender, dreams of being a player and becomes a New Orleans Saint. Appropriately, the spot is very cool and very sweet

PEDIGREE

TBWA/CHIAT/DAY, LOS ANGELES

You know how there's always a path of destruction when your rhino stampedes through the living room? Here we see it dramatized, along with glimpses at other unruly pets, such as wild boars, ostriches, etc. Then the payoff title card: "Maybe you should get a dog." Very funny, and a nice way into Pedigree's pet-adoption do-gooding.

PEPSI

TBWA/CHIAT/DAY, LOS ANGELES

Will.i.am, of Black-Eyed Peas fame, is the equivalent of Bob Dylan? And Jack Black is the new Belushi? If you buy that, you'll have no problem with the premise: that Pepsi's youthful spirit keeps refreshing and refreshing. As Dylan sings it, "Forever young." (Wait. Gumby ... and Shrek??!!)

PEPSI

Arnell, New York

A spoof of Will Forte's "SNL" spoofs of MacGyver, featuring Kristen Wiig, Richard Dean Anderson (in the non-MacGyver role) and a self-conscious Pepsi product placement, a la the famous Verizon gag in "30 Rock." This second MacGyver send-up in two years (MasterCard had the last) is a lot to process in 60 seconds AND the intentionally-too-shaky handheld camera is nauseatingly intentionally too shaky. AND ironically mouthing "Refresh Everything" doesn't necessarily validate the slogan. Still ... PepSuber. Pretty great.

PEPSI MAX

TBWA/CHIAT/DAY

Serial slapstick showing all the painful injuries a man can stand, yet he can't stand diet soda. Hence Pepsi Max, "the first diet cola for men." Good positioning, and pretty good use of an otherwise tired comedy formula. (But the 15-second coda in the fourth quarter just sucks.)

SPRINT

GOODBY, SILVERSTEIN & PARTNERS, SAN FRANCISCO

What if roadies ran the airlines? Well, efficiency, lots of push-to-talk-beeping and -- though not specifically mentioned here -- probably free bags of meth in coach.

BRIDGESTONE

RICHARDS GROUP, DALLAS

These are two lovable and funny spots -- one in which a motoring Mr. Potato Head figure maneuvers sharply to silence the nagging Mrs. Potato Head, and another about futuristic astronauts returning to their lunar car and finding it up on blocks, its wheels stolen. But 1) Bridgestone is good ... how?, and 2) Why are the astronauts hip-hoppers? Is this a "black neighborhood" gag? Wow.

BUDWEISER

DDB, CHICAGO

When Bud uses its Clydesdales correctly, America smiles and wells up with sentimental tears. These three spots will generate little but residual goodwill; they can't decide whether to be funny or sweet, and wind up being not enough of either. And there isn't a moment of surprise in any of them.

BUD LIGHT LIME

DDB

The idea of your beer magically bringing summer weather to the wintry north is OK, and the effect well-executed; it's also the exact opposite of what Coors Light and Miller Genuine Draft have done to cool down your summer.

CASTROL

OGILVY & MATHER

Chimps. Not E-Trade chimps. Not CareerBuilder chimps. Not HBO chimps. This time it's Castrol chimps, in a repair garage. (Grease monkeys! Get it?) The comedy isn't too crisp, but the "better than Mobil" claim sneaks through.

DORITOS

CONSUMER-GENERATED

Once again, the simple, powerful idea that these are amateur spots in $3 million slots delivers brand impact -- vs. the ads themselves, which show mainly why the amateurs are amateurs. The winner is a funny (crystal ball being thrown at vending machine) idea with terrible performances that ends with a generic crotch-injury gag. A second spot, imputing genie-power to snack chips, has nothing to do with anything but unaccountably turns a policeman into a monkey. Not cool.

GO DADDY

IN-HOUSE

The usual brainless boobage in one spot, even though it lost the online vote, but (we grudgingly concede) this "Shower" spot with Danica Patrick lampoons sex fantasy more than exploits it ... and actually connects it all to the brand.

KELLOGG'S FROSTED FLAKES

LEO BURNETT, CHICAGO

Talk about your grass roots. Pretty photography and slick CGI draw you into this smart exercise in branded community involvement -- Tony the Tiger's repair of 55 athletic fields around the country. The "Why Frosted Flakes?" is a bit elusive here, but it ties into the brand's (feeble) "Earn Your Stripes" program, equating breakfast candy with personal growth. Anyway, explaining that would have been grrrrrreat.

SOBE LIFE WATER

ARNELL GROUP, NEW YORK

It's got lizards. It's got animation. It's got football players ballet dancing. It's got hip-hop. It's got everything. And it's in 3-D! "Yo, who's got glasses? Anybody have 3-D glasses? Didn't we have some 3-D glasses? Come on, where ... oh, never mind. It's over."

TACO BELL

DRAFTFCB, IRVINE, CALIF.

It opens with a clever bit, along the lines of the best scene in "Swingers." A guy gets a girl's digits and dials her the moment she turns around. Then two other jokes occur: one about a Taco Bell dinner, one about him moving too fast, relationship-wise. Lost in all of this mess is the introduction of Taco Bell's new whatever-it-is.

AUDI

VENABLES, BELL & PARTNERS, SAN FRANCISCO

If the A8 weren't so fantastically gorgeous, this would be $6 million-plus down the drain. But factoring in the fame of English actor Jason Statham and the novelty of a noisy car chase, it's only about $5.5 million down the drain. Wanna compare yourself to the competition? See "Hyundai" above.

BUD LIGHT

DDB, CHICAGO

Shockingly bad. When your image hinges entirely on hilarious advertising, it's seriously dangerous to have un-hilarious advertising. Some smiles when Conan O'Brien loses his dignity in a Swedish beer ad, but the gags about cutting costs at work and the skier plowing into trees are both idiotic and insensitive.

CHEETOS

GOODBY, SAN FRANCISCO

The latest in snack-food vigilantism, showing Chester the Cheetah and a bystander conspiring to harass an obnoxious, spoiled Valley Girl. Maybe punking the mean girl provides some vicarious sense of street justice, and maybe that rubs off on Cheetos the way Cheetos rub off on your hand. But it's still juvenile and nasty.

H&R BLOCK

CAMPBELL-MITHUN, MINNEAPOLIS

OK, let's say the tax man is some sort of Grim Reaper, but ... here death is the taxpayer? So what's the point? And what does it all have to do with the "second look" benefit nominally being advertised? This is a badly executed not-quite idea.

TOYOTA TUNDRA

SAATCHI & SAATCHI, LOS ANGELES

They promised an "edge-of-your seat" thrill. Us, we really didn't expect the truck and trailer to skid backward, aflame, to certain driver death. Perhaps heavy-duty-transmission drama isn't easily transmitted.

TOYOTA

BURRELL COMMUNICATIONS, CHICAGO

This spot, which juxtaposes the sleek lines of the new Venza crossover with African art in an upscale home, is meant to appeal (read "pander") to black audiences. But pandering doesn't work when it so obviously condescends.

TELEFLORA

IN-HOUSE

The selling proposition -- you don't know what boxed flowers will look like, so you don't know what they'll say about you -- is, at best, thin. The "creative" solution is disgraceful: a box of talking flowers nastily ridiculing homely people about how ugly and sad they are. That is ugly and sad. And cruel.

"Unforgettable, that's what you are"

2009-01-29T21:53:00.004-05:00

I have decided to have a rather sentimental blog topic for today. Fear not, I will attempt with give it a side of whit and charm as always. My choice of subject today is the "unforgettables." You know that song song by Nat King Cole "Unforgettable." If you don't google it, quite the classic and you should know it. Unforgettables are people from you past. Relationships that you can't seem to shake. People who no matter how hard you try, claim you. I suppose that goes along with the belief that you have no control over who you love. It's true! Love is the driving force behind all that is insanity. It makes you do things that bored on institutionalized. It causes you to give up things you value, forgive the unforgivable, believe in the unbelievable, and question everything you thought you once knew about yourself. Love in all its many forms has been the inspiration behind all great literature, paintings, songs, plays, choreography and any other art form. The lover that is unforgettable.

I know everyone can relate to this person. Maybe even persons, It is very possible for someone to have more than 1 great love in their lives. Stereotypically, your "unfortgettable" is no longer in the picture. It is just more dramatic that way. But I suppose if you are very lucky the one you can never forget is the one you are with. If that's the case, congrats to you, the rest of us hate you :-)

The unforgettable is the one you might view who "got away." You look back on your memories with them as fond, precious and irreplaceable. And you wonder if you will ever be able to experience anything like that with anyone else. People always say "you'll find it again, don't cripple yourself." But I am a hopeless romantic. If you want my opinion, I think that if you feel you shared something special, and rare with someone. Something you don't think you will have with someone else, then I think you know yourself best and can make that call. I am not saying we should all pine in the past for loves lost. Absolutely not, that would be unhealthy. But I don't think there is anything wrong with believing that once upon a time you had it pretty good with someone.

I have an unforgettable myself. He weaves in and out of the picture over the years. Our relationship has pretty much been through just about everything a relationship can go through, and there have been A LOT of really dark days for him and I. However, I feel for him that selfless way that I didn't know I was capable of doing. I have no idea what will happen with us. Maybe we will end up together, maybe we won't. I won't say much about him, out of respect for what we had/have. We have both made some mistakes along the way, but part of me believes they have actually strengthened the bond we have. I suppose only time will tell. However, even if I do not end up with the man who I was once so certain was my Prince Charming, then was so sure he was not (repeat cycle 100x) I know I will always remember him. I will take him with me everywhere I go because he is my unforgettable. The person I learned the most from. The person who I have grown so much just from knowing. My unforgettable who has made me laugh and cry more than any other soul. In the very gritty sense he is my Heaven and Hell, my Light and Darkness.

Do you have people like that from your past/present? People who bring out the very best and the worse in you? People you can't believe you do certain things for, but can't imagine not doing them all at once. It is intense, and there is really no rhyme or reason to any of it... such is love. What do you do with that person? Is that the one you end of spending the rest of you life with? I have no idea. But then of course I wonder, well if I don't spend the rest of my life with them, will the person I do ever even compare or will I just be settling for comfortable? Is this back and forth, mix of pain and pleasure the really good stuff? The passion that everyone is looking for?

Your thoughts as always are greatly appreciated.

What I've learned today: Don't Settle

Unforgettable
Nat King Cole

Unforgettable, thats what you are
Unforgettable though near or far
Like a song of love that clings to me
How the thought of you does things to me
Never before has someone been more

Unforgettable in every way
And forever more, thats how youll stay
Thats why, darling, its incredible
That someone so unforgettable
Thinks that I am unforgettable too

Unforgettable in every way
And forever more, thats how youll stay
Thats why, darling, its incredible
That someone so unforgettable
Thinks that I am unforgettable too
Unforgettable though near or far
Like a song of love that clings to me
How the thought of you does things to me
Never before has someone been more

Unforgettable in every way
And forever more, thats how you'll stay
Thats why, darling, its incredible
That someone so unforgettable
Thinks that I am unforgettable too

Unforgettable in every way
And forever more, thats how you'll stay
Thats why, darling, its incredible
That someone so unforgettable
Thinks that I am unforgettable too

Kinda/Sorta People

2009-01-21T17:17:00.003-05:00

Welcome to my life, the life of Kinda/Sorta People. What is a Kinda/Sorta Person you ask? Well allow me to explain. A Kinda/Sorta Person is someone who you may or may-not be hooking up with. You may or may not have been a on date, hung out, had a drink, gone for a walk, visited a coffee shop, or discussed your favorite music and movies. A Kinda/Sorta person is nothing but a gray area. You have no idea where you stand, what you are, where you are going, and what you will be doing. Perhaps you share flirty text messages, facebook them, and/or drunk dial circa three am. However, you don't really have a claim to them, nor they to you. And you don't really know if you like them, or if they like you. Perhaps you really them, and they don't feel the same. Or they really like you, and you are impartial to their courtship. Whatever it may be, it is a Kinda/Sorta Person world we live in.

Welcome to New York City, the city where relationships come to die and Kinda/Sorta Non-titled associations are born in surplus. We don't do relationships here. We are all looking for love, but none of us truly want it. If we did we would nicer to people. But we are arrogant folk in these parts. We don't break for pedestrians, we step over homeless people in the subway, we seldom donates to charities in the street because we believe everyone is a scam artist. And guess what we are usually right. The same applies for our relations. We truly believe everyone we meet will hurt us, so we stay at arms length, and never change our ways because we are usually right, they end up disappointing us.

That is not to say New York is filled with a bunch of prudes. Not even close, we go out, and frequently. We go on dates just because. We set the bar way low, because that is how we are programed. I can not begin to tell you how many times I have gone on a date, knowing in advance that I am not going to have fun, I don't actually like him, and I'm just going because I'm bored and trying to stay open minded. We have all been there, don't judge you know you have done it to.
Side note: I also force my roommates to go on these types of dates (ex: Miss M and "Touching" D.) The beaten and battered hopeless romantic that refuses to die inside of me truly hopes one day they will meet "the one" and I will get to toast to it at their wedding, saying how they didn't even want to go on the first date, but I made them, so I am the reason we are all here today. Thus the world revolves around me once again :-)

On the other hand, you have dates, or "hanging out sessions" if you don't want to call it a date, where you really like the person. I have traveled to Flatbush Brooklyn to hang out with a guy at his apt on Sat night to simply drink tequila and watch SNL. I had the best time in the world on this "hanging out session" Unfortunately he did not feel the same way, and I actually haven't seen him since, but the point is when you have dates with a person you actually like, the odds are they are just not that into you.

It is very difficult to have a mutual amount of liking on both sides. Someone is always more interested in the other. Someone always wants to start planing the wedding, while the other is not even sure what your name is. Thus the cycle continues.

Kinda/Sorta is like living in the land of passive-aggressiva. Nothing has labels. there is no conclusive evidence in either direction, you're just "having fun" interpret that how you will. Actually I will do it for you. "Having fun" means, I enjoy sleeping with you, you're OK to hang out with, but I'm not going to do much more than that because I'm hoping something better comes along. You know it's true. We have all just "had some fun" Maybe you were the one on the back burner or maybe you put someone there. Either way, everyone has been in a Kinda/Sorta Situation. You can't escape it, especially in New York City Yuppie Land.

What I've Learned: Kinda/Sorta... kinda sorta sucks, but only when I'm on the losing end. Other wise I Kinda/Sorta don't care.

Kisses
diariesofacrazysinglegirl@gmail.com

Updates, Announcements & Other Such Things of That Nature..

2009-01-17T09:38:00.003-05:00

Good Morning Everyone!

I don't know about you, but it has been an Arctic cold week for me. I actually broke out the coat I used to wear when I went to college in BUFFALO, NY. I haven't worn it since my last year there. As I may have mentioned the day I left Buffalo it was the 30 consecutive day it was below zero degrees. So picture the jacket I was wearing then and you may have some idea of what I have been sporting on the streets of Manhattan proper this last week. It looks more of less a ankle length brown down-comforter with a fur(fore) lined Eskimo-like hood. Oh, it is first class all the way. I hope all of my lovely readers have been keeping themselves warm, wherever you may be living.

I'm out in the country this weekend. Virginia country! Eish let me tell you I could never live here. I have nothing against small towns, I love small towns! I think in a former life I was a small town girl. I even love country boys, pick up trucks, Hank Williams Sr, and a sleazy townie bar. I will throw on a pair of torn jeans, a vintage Styx t-shirt, with some beat up sneakers and honky around to some old school Alan Jackson (country music artist) I am very in touch with my inner trailer park alter ego. It is the Hyde to my Jekyll. However, New York City is my life. I will take a stressful job with a cushy Manhattan salary, clothing from shops on 5th Ave, overpriced upscale dining, cupcakes from Magnolias, soups from Hale and Hearty, NYSC memberships, facials at Bliss and bikini waxes from J-Sisters over living in a camper, using an eye liner pencil to draw on my eyebrows, working at a collection agency, punching the clock for $8/hr cloaked in Wrangler jeans from K-mart and an XL sweater from Fashion Bug, grabbing lunch at Mighty Tacos drive-thru, and capping off my night with a pitcher of PBR (Paps Blue Ribbon) from the local watering hole any day.

You can call me rude, selfish, a victim of vanity, stuck-up, offensive or whatever else blows your skirt up, but I'm just telling the truth. I am certainly not saying my life is any better than someone elses. It is just what works for me. And who is to say that one day that won't change? Perhaps I will fall in love with a very nice coal miner in West Virginia, and he wants to whisk me away to his house on 40 archers of land which he bought for $30, that is predominately decorated with multi-colored knitted blankets and speared animal heads, call me his little woman while I wear a moo-moo and worn fuzzy slippers after he knocks me up a few times and we live happily ever after. Stranger things have happened. However, for the time being I am a pale, slender, Starbucks drinking, i-touch using, big sunglasses wearing, city girl who is happily draped in all black attire daily.

I am visiting my friend from college in Virginia this weekend, however I am all alone with his dog today. Since I am visiting a male friend there is almost zero food in the house, what is left around has expired. Like the eggs in his fridge which have a "best if used by 12/9/08" date on them. It is Jan 17th 2009 in case anyone was wondering. I did his dishes this morning. He doesn't have a dishwasher, and it looks as if he hadn't done them in weeks. Let us pause for a moment here. I am the opposite of what you would consider to be domestic. I don't clean very well, (though it is improving) I'm not what you would call maternal, I hate kids and the fact that its wrong to swear around them. And my cooking skills are everything short of sub-par. My roommate still needs to talk me through the steps of making mac n' cheese. My brain just doesn't function that way, I am missing that part of it, so this whole nesting spree I seem to being having is quite out of character. However, I have stayed true to my form. I have discovered a stash of Smuckers Uncrustables in his freezer. They appear to be the only thing that its edible. (Since I am in the country I can't very well walk to McDonald's) How do you you unfreeze one of these things. First I tried 2 mins in the microwave, which as you probably know wasn't a great idea. The contents of the Uncrustable oozed onto the microwave plate while the rest of it charred. Had to throw out that one. Then I tried putting it in the toaster, but I burned that as well. Not as badly, it was still edible with a moderate charcoal flavoring. These things are complicated! I already feel bad for my future children. They are going to live on cereal and snack bars.

I needed this weekend away to myself. Just to clear my head, rest up and regenerate. I have been feelings so worn out and stressed lately it is making me miserable. Time are tough for everything right now. However I am happy to have these days to myself. Which brings me to my announcement...

I have begun working on a book. It is something I always wanted to to. Writing has always been my thing. When I failed at everything else around me, I still could write. It has come natural to me for as long as I can remember. It is my art, my life force, and my passion. Writing has always been what keeps me going. Even as a child I wrote stories for people. In middle school and high school I was reticent and for lack of a better term, a loner. I observed what was going around me mostly, instead of interacting, always jotting down movements or my interpretations of conversations. Thinking someday I would have so much to say to the world. Then in college I came out of my shell, found my niche and as English major and always had the big dreams of publishing books. I am still young, and there is so much more experience I know life is going to present me with. The book will of course take a long time. And then there is the issue of it actually getting published, but I am not to that step yet. Right now my book is just an infant that I am nurturing.

I am only about 20 pages into it so far, I have a general idea of where I want the story to go, but it is still developing, and I am very excited to see where it will be taking me. I can tell you that the book will be "fiction" but like many great fiction novels, it is based around the majority of truth (i.e. the book is about real life things that have and are currently happening to me.) I will keep you posted on its progress. Who knows maybe I will even post a little sneak here and there.

kisses,

diariesofacrazysinglegirl@gmail.com

The Giving Tree

2009-01-10T18:52:00.004-05:00

"The Giving Tree" by Shel Silverstein was one of my favorite stories as a child. It is amazing how 25 years later I can still relate to it. Interpret this however you choose.

Some people people the relationship is about a parents never ending sacrifice for their child. I suppose I think any relationship can relate to the story of the tree and the boy.

The Giving Tree
By Shel Silverstein

A long time ago, there was a huge apple tree. A little boy loved to come and play around it everyday. He climbed to the tree top, ate the apples, took a nap under the shadow. He loved the tree and the tree loved to play with him.

Time went by. The little boy had grown up and he no longer played around the tree everyday. One day, the boy came back to the tree and he looked sad.

"Come and play with me," the tree asked the boy.

"I am no longer a kid, I don't play around trees anymore." The boy replied, "I want toys. I need money to buy them."

"Sorry, but I don't have money. But you can pick all my apples and sell them. So, you will have money." The boy was so excited.

He grabbed all the apples on the tree and left happily.

The boy never came back after he picked the apples. The tree was sad.

One day, the boy returned and the tree was so excited. "Come and play with me" the tree said.

"I don't have time to play. I have to work for family. We need a house for shelter. Can you help me?"

"Sorry, but I don't have a house. But you can chop off my branches to build your house."

So the boy cut all the branches of the tree and left happily. The tree was glad to see him happy but the boy never came back since then. The tree was again lonely and sad.

One hot summer day, the boy returned and the tree was delighted. "Come and play with me!" the tree said.

The boy said, "I am sad and getting old. I want to go sailing to relax myself. Can you give me a boat?"

"Use my truck to build your boat. You can sail far away and be happy."

So the boy cut the tree truck to make a boat. He went sailing and never showed up for a long time.

Finally, the boy returned after he left for so many years. "Sorry, my boy. But I don't have anything for you anymore. No more apples for you." the tree said.

"I don't have teeth to bite" the boy replied.

"No more truck for you to climb on"

"I am too old for that now" the boy said.

"I really can't give you anything. The only thing left is my dying roots." the tree said with tears.

"I don't need much now, just a place to rest. I am tired after all these years." the boy replied.

"Good! Old tree roots is the best place to lean on and rest. Come, come sit down with me and rest."

The boy sat down and the tree was glad and smiled with tears.

Risky Business

2009-01-05T19:28:00.002-05:00

Did you know that statistically speaking today is the most depressing day of the year? I believe it. The commercialism of the holidays is over. All around you tinsel and mini Santa’s are being taken down. I’ve also noticed this past weekend that a lot of stores are going out of business as well, like KB toys for an example.

It’s a new year, a clean slate right? HA HA what a bunch of crap. Clean slate? As if at the tick of a clock everything from the past just goes away and you start over. What a sweetly naive idea! That’s like believing that “I’m sorry” makes everything all better. It’s a nice thought, but it’s just not simply true.

The Monday back to work after the holidays is the worse. I walked in this morning to my voicemail light violently blinking at me, a slew of e-mails, and a stack of paperwork to tend to. Did I mention a zero level of functioning on my brain today?

I woke up this morning before my alarm went off. I laid in the dark and thought to myself “there has to be more to life than this.” I knew today would be a rough one. You can feel it, the calm before the storm. And by doing so, I also ruin my Sunday, with Mondays anticipation.

I was told “don’t let tomorrow ruin today.” That is a good idea perhaps it will be my resolution. I always let tomorrow ruin today. I also let yesterday ruin today. Maybe I want today ruined… I mean isn’t it always good to be consistent?

I sulked out of bed this morning. I wasn’t even sleepy, too wound up to be tired. I toppled down the stairs and into my downstairs shower. I haven’t used it yet although I have lived in my apt since April. I don’t usually shower in the morning, and I wanted my roommate to be able to use the main bathroom when she got ready. After the shower I had a bowl of Special K, and noticed I have zero food to eat. Add groceries to my list today, along with laundry, unpacking, and cleaning my train wreck of a room.

I stood soaking wet in front of the mirror, wearing just a black bra with matching black underwear. I’m anal about matching. I was in that mental place where you aren’t sure if you should do you hair first or pick out clothes. I opted for clothes, because I decided I would just let me hair run natural today… long, red and wavy. It is getting too long to even style it. Maybe I should add a trim to my list.

While I stood there I said out loud “you are just awful we need to do something about this. So I turned on my computer and pulled up i-tunes. I played my fail proof feel better song “Old time Rock and Roll” by Bob Seger. And of course all it took was “Just take those old records off the shelf” before I was dancing around in my underwear, much like Tom Cruise. I felt the corners of my mouth turn up right, and I knew my day would improve.

I rummaged through my closet, trying to what I should wear today. I haven’t shaved my legs in about a week so that limits me. Add it to the list. I wanted something to wear something simple, easy, low maintenance, but of course professional. I fished out a long sleeve black DKNY dress my sister gave me for Christmas. It perfectly fits my needs. Slipped on some black heels, and then decided I looked like I am going to a funeral. Though I may feel that way, I don’t want to look it. Simple solution… accessories. My dresser is more or less covered in an array of accessories. I chunky necklace with some bangles and I was all set.

And I headed off to greet the most depressing day of the year…. Feeling depressed but at least looking good.

Proposals, Engagements, and other such none sense!

2008-12-30T10:10:00.004-05:00

Remember that post I wrote where I talked about how there are certain things that only happen to me. No one else, just me. Had one of those moments today!

Yesterday, I was sitting at work and I got this strange feeling about one of my exs. He wasn't my boyfriend for very long, and it was several years ago. He was a nice guy, so of course I wasn't very nice to him. I was actually down right awful.

The relationship ended pretty badly, mostly because I was an evil cheating whore. I have no problem admitting I was a bad person for several years. I of course have mended my ways over time, but back then I was trouble. Yeah whatever, go ahead judge me!

So things end, everyone moves on over the years, we keep in touch once in a blue moon. Usually it's just a quick hello how are you e-mail every six months. He also has had a serious girlfriend for quiet a while now. So it was no surprise that yesterday I got this feeling that he got engaged over Christmas or was about to be. I couldn't shake the feeling so I decided to put my mind at ease and send him a quick e-mail telling him about my feeling.

This is what I wrote.
"so I'm sitting in my office... working.. cause god forbid i take time off.

And I just had a premonition that you either got engaged over
Christmas, or are about to me...

so am I right :-) I enjoy being right as you know! Is it that time?"

I of course meant that he was asking his girlfriend to marry him. However, allow me to call your attention to my typo. I meant to write "Or are about to BE" but wrote "Or are about to ME"

Now I would like to ask you a question. Was my e-mail unclear? I mean when you read that just now, you understood what I meant. Like that didn't seem like I was proposing to you in the e-mail or anything right? Well... evidently I wasn't very clear because this morning I received the following response:

"We both know why you work all the time so I'm sure neither of us are surprised there. Coincidentally I'm also at work.

If there was a single thing in our relationship that led you to think that me asking you to marry me would be a good idea let me know. If I didn't know better I'd say that was your way of slyly proposing to me just to see how the idea floated. I was fully in a few years ago but you obviously were not.

It's not that time yet for me. There are still things to be lined up from my perspective. You know how much of a perfectionist I am. I want the job really locked down (I'm only 1 year in now in my new position with major projects to land within the first two quarters of 09 to really firm things up for myself here), the right cash flow and bonuses (which might of course never be enough), and possibly also a house all lined up first. Things are all going in the right direction though, so probably sooner rather than later.

I think getting engaged near, or during, a major holiday is also completely tacky. I don't want to share that time with something else. I think that moment should stand on its own.

PS - If you didn't see Marley and Me I recommend against it unless you want to bawl your eyes out for the last 30 minutes of the movie."

I didn't really understand the email at first. I had to go back and see what I sent. Once I put two and two together I could not stop laughing. I should be embarrassed but I'm not. Its just too funny.

If I ever get to the place when I am asking someone who I haven't see in years to marry me via e-mail... someone needs to shoot me. Cause that's rocks bottom!

What I've learned: Type your e-mails with care, otherwise you might end up proposing to someone.

kisses,
diariesofacrazysinglegirl@gmail.com

Vacation from the Holidaze!

2008-12-29T11:56:00.007-05:00

I hope everyone had a happy and healthy holiday season. Personally I'm a little maxed out from the family togetherness. I love my family dearly, they mean everything to me, but I have limits. Those limits break after 2 days.... after 4 straight days of family time those limits get me to buy a pack of cigs... which I quit 2 years ago.

Have you ever seen "My Big Fat Greek Wedding." That's me! Except I'm Irish and Italian.

My family is crazy, lots of eating, LOTS of drinking, lots of dancing in the living room to Abba's greats hits! But also a lot of badgering.

Every holiday season we have the ritualistic "Jackie, why aren't you married?"Inquisition. Which is always followed by everyone in the family going around the table mentioning some single person they work with, or know at the local deli, saw in their building, etc. My favorite suggestion came from my Uncle (through marriage), Sister's Husband (I dunno what you call that relative) He recommended his master of the custodial arts friend. Now this is an interesting turn because for the first 2 hours of the party, everyone was drunkenly telling me I should model... and now are trying to set me up with a janitor. (It is at this point I'll just chug the full glass of wine right here)

The fun doesn't stop there...why would it. The night is still young!

I have an Aunt who is BEYOND over bearing. God bless her but she pushes my buttons like nothing else. Every holiday she talks about how she loved my college boyfriend Mr. D. She never stops. Mr. D and I have been over for almost 4 years now. I'm over it, he's over it, everyone is over it accept her. Yet every time I see her she has to ask me about him.

Let me paint a picture for you. I haven't seen or spoken to Mr. D since college. I don't know where he is or what he's doing. He's not even my friend on facebook. I have zero info on him. She knows this, yet will ask every holiday "Have you heard from Mr. D?" I methodically reply "Nope" Which always moves to "Well, I liked him so much, he was a great man." This year, she actually took a new turn and told all the guests at our party who never "had the privilege" of meeting Mr. D about how great he was. And people wonder why I am an alcoholic?

Talk about grasping at straws.

You know what else I learned this holiday. I don't want kids. I mean I'm sure I'll have them. But I really hate kids, at least the ones in my family. They are vile! For starters they eat crap and make a HUGE mess. And then they scream and throw tantrums. Honestly, what do you have to cry about? You don't like your toy? F**k you kid, we're in a recession, but you wouldn't know that cause you're too busy playing video games, when you should be outside burning off the 5000 calories of pure saturated fat and sugar you consumed... FAT ASS!

My sister and I were never allowed to have 30 rolls of bread, before our dinner. And we certainly weren't allowed to eat the entire pumpkin pie. Do you have any idea how unhealthy that is? But when I mention to everyone that the top 5 causes of death in the US are nutrition related I'm "ruining the holidays." Fine, but when your kid croaks from heart disease just remember the time I ruined the holidays.

And seriously, what happened to manners? I did not once hear a please or a thank you! I did hear "this isn't the one I wanted" My parents always made sure we said our please and thank yous. Even if you didn't like the gift you got, you pretended to till we got home and then mommy wrapped and re gifted it to one of her friends kids. Kids today! So rude!!!!

I think it' safe to say I'm enjoying some "Me, myself, and my wine" time this week!

Kisses,

diariesofacrazysinglegirl@gmail.com

Winter Solstice

2008-12-22T15:08:00.004-05:00

Happy Holidays Everyone!!

I have had a rather boozed soaked holiday season myself.
On sat night I did one too many shots of Peppermint Schnapps chased with chocolate syrup. Did you know when you throw that up it tastes and smells like Christmas. True story, that's what I proclaimed while I did it in the taxi ride home.

Luckily Miss M was nice enough to wash my hair for me in the shower when we got home. She was worried if left unattended in the tub I would in fact drown. I feel she made a very wise assessment of the situation because I with out question agree that this would happen.

Miss. M is usually the resident drunk in our group of friends, so as you can imagine it was an interesting roll change for her.

Thank you Miss. M for making sure I arrived home safely, and for then tending to my hygienic needs, while also saving me from what could have been a death by aquatic trauma.

So I don't want to narrow anything down to just Christmas. I want all my readers to appreciate my blog today. I have decided to leave my Winter Solstice List. It is like a X-mas List, only for grown ups, and more PC.

The Winter Solstice also known as Yule in the Wicca belief system is actually a huge holiday. It celebrates the rebirth of the sun to the earth, and the solstice itself is the longest (hence, darkest) night of the year. Throughout the world, from Scotland to Iran to the Americas, ancient and modern peoples have called forth the sun on the longest night of the year.

"Yule is a time of celebration and rebirth, as the light of the God once again is reborn and shines within our lives. The winter solstice is also the time when the Goddess, in her aspect as Crone, is reborn as the Maiden. Rites to celebrate the return of the sun and the respective rebirths of the God and Goddess are appropriate, as are rituals to guide your spiritual path and honor the lessons learned within the dark time."

Pretty cool stuff I think. A holiday that honors the light times in your life, and also honors the lessons learned in the darker days. That about sums up my life.

A Winter Solstice lists selfish. They are things I wish myself to be or have. Things I have learned in both the darker and lighter days that I want to be but feel I have always struggled with.

So with out further ado here is my 2008 Winter Solstice List:

Healthy

Compassionate

Sensitive

Wise

Understanding

Grateful

Forgiving

Warm

Optimistic

oh and I would also like a bottle of Jose Cuervo, 2 limes, salt and margarita mix

That's all!

Happy Winter Solstice to all!!

Pushing Away

2008-12-17T16:38:00.004-05:00

When I was young and naive... wait let me start that over.

When I was YOUNGER and MORE NAIVE I had a very screwed outlook on relationships.

I say all this because I am still young, naive, and quite clueless when it comes to relationships. Back to my story.

There was a time when I thought I could hold a relationship on my own. I felt that I cared enough for the both of us, and that would be enough to keep it together. And like so many other times in my life.. I was an IDIOT to even believe that was possible.

Right after college I got involved with a man who was much older than I was. Ten years older to be exact. He seemed very interested in me in the beginning. Aren't they always? He wasn't a womanizer or anything. I know it sounds that way, older guy preying on a young girl who literally graduated from college a month ago, but it wasn't quite like that.

The best way I can describe him would be damaged goods. In the simplest of terms he was an extremely unhappy person. Someone incapable of loving himself, much less anyone else. However, at the time I was too young to understand such a thing. It was a lesson I learned, like every other the lesson... the hard way.

So what happened? We got involved. He seemed pretty happy at first, I would even go so far as to say excited. He told his family about me, took me camping (very much against my will) and of course participated freely in the "physical benefits" of our relations. I so carefully do not say relationship, because it was anything but that.

It was extremely short lived however, even for my standards. Not more than 2 weeks had passed when he started to act different. I was confused. His mother had a major surgery, I am talking MAJOR, and I tried to be as much of a rock for him during that time that I could. It was difficult because it was still so early in the relation, but having the heart that I do, I did my best to be there for him. He seemed very grateful for that.

Once she was well the calls became less frequent, as did the time we spent together. He was pushing me away. We will call him Mr. S for this blog. Finally about a week after his mother returned from the hospital (she recovered very well) he had me come over to his apartment for "a talk." I was such an idiot even when he said that I thought maybe he wanted to talk about our relationship going to the next level. Which he did, but it was more of a down grade than the upgrade I was imagining... like i said idiot!

So we sat there on his couch, smoked some environmentally friendly substances and then he pretty much just shot it out there. I remember it a little too bitterly. He took a hit off of his pipe, put it down on his coffee table and said "So I have a problem" It was around right around now that I started to think to myself "oh shit maybe this isn't going in a good direction."

Oh it went in a bad direction alright. You will never believe how bad! Let me share that with you... I digress.

He went on "So here is the thing, I already know that you're not the one I am going to marry. I am going to know that the moment I see her, and I know it's not you. So since I know its not you, I am not going to invest time and emotion in someone who isn't the love of my life... so that's why I have to end things with you." What amazes me is that he looked me straight in the eye the entire time he said this to me. I can still see his blue eyes piercing me deeper with every word.

I was speechless, I didn't really know what to say. I didn't ever expect anyone to say something like that to me, ever. I think I kind of just stared at my lap for a little. When I finally was able to speak I said something to the extent of how do you expect to just know the one when you see them? I don't think it usually works like that.

He went on some tangent about how his parents knew, and his brother, a few other family members. He even went to far as to tell me about how his ex was after their first date and how he loved her as she slammed the door in his face at the end of it. (What an asshole)

So what did I do at the exact moment in time. I would LOVE to tell you that I stood up gracefully, wished him well in life, and sashayed out of the apt. I did not... I burst out hysterically crying. Deep heavy sobs, followed by snot flying.. lots of it. Sexy I know :-)

It didn't end there. This went on for months. Mr. S got tremendous pleasure in dangling me on the string. He hollowed me out... well I let him do it.

For months I pushed and pushed. I felt that if I cared enough, if I supported enough, if I worked hard enough for a relationship he would give it to me. But he never did. He just cut me smaller and smaller until I was a shell of what I used to be.

He would call me when he felt like seeing me, and like a faithful dog I would head over to his place. He would never come to mine, not once did he spend the night at my apt.

He never took me to dinner or out anywhere for that matter. He avoided me to no end actually. I remember one night he was at the bar with his friend, and was literally 2 blocks away from my apt. I asked him to come over and refused. He actually refused to drive 2 blocks to see me. I'm still getting angry just thinking about how shitty of a person he was to me. Scumbag!

I'm to blame though. I let myself get that way. I was nothing like I am now. At the time I walked on eggshells with him. I was afraid to do anything that displeased him because then he would just say "well then we can't sleep together anymore because you can't handle this." That was his favorite line. He enjoyed threatening to take the sorry excuse for sex he was giving me. I'm not evening saying that bitterly. My mental state was so poor at the time I didn't realize that I was grasping at NOTHING.

I spent every night crying myself to sleep. I remember how raw the skin under my eyes and nose were from crying. I was a train wreck. I didn't know anything about how I was anymore. And I drank a lot. I drank to sleep at night. 2 bottles of wine and 3 NyQuil tablets a night to be exact. I know healthy right!

I became a pot of boiling hot water, just waiting for overflow. It is amazing how powerful emotions are. Finally one day I just say ENOUGH. I was living in Buffalo at the time. Miserable with my job and grad school program in addition to Mr. S so I packed up my stuff in garbage bags. Threw them in the back seat of my car, said my goodbyes and moved to NYC. I haven't looked back since. I finally snapped and choose myself.

The 8 hour car ride home was quite interesting though. I went through an entire box of tissue and an entire pack of cigs. I am not sure which hand held the steering wheel because one had a cig and the other had a tissue.

It was a classic example of a relationship that I pushed and pushed and all it did was push him farther away.

I was never sure why I had to go through that, why it has to be so painful for me until recently. I was involved with a guy who I was crushing on. And I noticed that he was always more distant. Kept me at arms length. So I let it serve as a warning and I can't push him. He won't open up his arms and let me in if I push. He will just walk away faster. So I stopped pushing and let him be. Whatever the reason he wants to stay closed is his own, and I respect that distance.

I guess it's beautiful to see that sometimes you really can learn and grow.

kisses
diariesofacrazysinglegirl@gmail.com

Tis the Season to be Jolly

2008-12-16T13:48:00.003-05:00

I was receiving multiple e-mails that my blog was showing increasing signs of depression. That may be ha ha. I hit a rough few weeks, as you probably read, the whole void in the chest feeling was quite painful there. However, I am living proof that the human soul is remarkable. You can bend and break, even tear apart the spirit but it can always heal.

My void is feeling so full right now. There was not one particular thing that plastered it over. However, I can tell you this, part of it has to do with the people I love, and who love me. I surround myself with them. When you do that even the most painful of scars can not sting for very long.

This Sat my roommates and I had our "Ugly Holiday Sweater Party." It was great! Such a fun idea. What made it even better was that out guests got really into it. As I watched friend after friend pile into my apartment. Traveling in the bitter cold to get here, and entering in full fledged holiday tackiness I felt so happy!

I'm such a Scrooge, I really am. Christmas is not my cup of tea ever, and I am dreading it even more this year, but I have to say I was feeling the holiday cheer on Saturday.

My one friend and he boyfriend brought mistle toe, and I felt ecstatic about it. I have no idea why. It was as if some crazy holiday cheer illness came over me. Seeing the people I care about show up in sweaters from K-mart sent eclectic shock therapy through me. My one friend from home said "Look at my sweatshirt I am so Mid-Western Aunt Sally."

I spent sat night surrounded by the family that I have made for myself. (My biological sister was there as well.) It was the first holiday party that I felt completely at ease, laid back, and all around happy. No stress, no fights, no tears, no drama, and best of all NO VOIDS! Just the joy of good music, good people, ugly clothes, and tons of booze! What more can you really ask for?

What made it even more enjoyable was the next morning everyone congregated in my roommates bedroom to piece together the forgotten parts of the night. It was at that moment my roommate pointed to the Christmas bucket on her dresser and said "by the way, look the punch made it up to my room last night!" Classic!

What I've learned: Being surrounded by the people you love and who love you is AMAZING!

Jealousy...

2008-12-09T12:18:00.005-05:00

A very wise (well sometimes wise) man told me today that "Jealousy is the root of all that is annoying." To be honest I have never understood why Envy made the top "Seven Deadly Sins" instead of jealousy. I think it is way more powerful than envy. In fact I think envy is nothing more than a branch off of the jealousy tree. A sub-plot if you will.

Growing up I was not a jealous person. I wasn't even one in college. Maybe I was too absent minded to be jealous. (Absent minded is really just my delicate way of saying I was stoned the majority of college.) It wasn't until after college I started to get these STRANGE emotions. I wasn't even sure what they were at first. Just these foreign feelings that made me want to punch holes in my wall. Like I said, Jealousy should have made the top SEVEN.

You know when jealousy is really the worse? When you can't justify it. When you have no grounds to be jealous, but you are anyway. I have become an increasingly jealous person as I gracefully age. It's not an insecurity thing. At least I don't think so. I really don't know what it is. But it drives me up the wall.

Do you want to know my favorite thing to get jealous over? Facebook activity! Honestly, how many times have you gotten jealous over a picture posted on Facebook, or some comment a member of the opposite sex wrote on someone else's wall, etc etc etc? I am telling you social networking sites are a breeding ground for jealousy. I can't even count how many times I have gotten pissed off about something related to them. Don't deny it you do to! Maybe you don't want to admit it but you do.

You know what is even sadder? I never have anything scandalous on my Facebook. Believe me I just checked it again, and there isn't a single thing that would make anyone jealous. There isn't even anything sort of risky, that could be interpreted as scandalous. The last comment left on my Facebook wall was Miss. M telling me I'm a great photographer. WOO HOO find someone who will punch a hole in the wall over that!

They say a little jealousy is healthy, it keeps you alive. Yeah OK, maybe when you've like been in a relationship and someone talks to your significant other and it makes you jealous. That's fine, that's healthy, even cute. However, I get jealous over people I have ZERO claim to. And I know all this. Rational thought flows through me, while mixing in with the jealousy and all it does it make me mad. So now I'm just mad and jealous. HA HA

(And people wonder why women go crazy!)

Do you think women get more jealous than men? Or maybe the other way around? I think maybe women aren't as good at hiding jealousy as men. I could make someone jealous and not have a freaking clue! But believe me if I am jealous people know about it. (I mean come on I clearly blog about it ha ha.)

What is the craziest thing you have ever done while possessed by jealousy? I have been trying to think of mine. There are a few really note worthy ones. Like the temper tantrum I once though in the middle of my home town village prior to getting in the car. I think by passers thought I was possessed.

Then there was the time I actually cut off the head of my stuffed animal. I was so mad/jealous at my ex that I took the stuffed bear he had given me and cut off its head with a steak knife... of course then I felt bad and sewed it back on. It wasn't the same though. Hindsight, should have left the bear decapitated. (oh well..)

When I comes to sins, I suppose one of my favorite actors really said it best. To quote Al Pacino in the Devils Advocate "[Jealousy] definitely my favorite sin..."

note: I would like people to know that I am in no way a dangerous threat to society, nor will I be violently going on a killing spree.

Kisses,

diariesofacrazysinglegirl@gmail.com

Voids

2008-12-07T17:20:00.006-05:00

I embrace my vulnerabilities, at least I try to. I'm not embarrassed of being human, of feeling challenged and lost sometimes. I have my days when I DO NOT want to get out of bed, days that I have to literally remind myself to breathe in and out all day. There is no point in pretending they don't happen to me.

This past week has been difficult. I literally feel a hole in my chest that is the size of a bowling ball. There is a void, a very large one that physically hurts me some days. Do you ever feel like that? I find myself hugging my chest as it I am keeping my body from splitting into two pieces. Sometimes it feels so bad that I am worried I am going to fall over in physical pain.

Well I am sure this is shocking to everyone but I HATE feeling that way. I couldn't physically let that pain pulse inside me 24/7. I would go crazy. I have a few ways I fill the void. Perhaps fill isn't the right word because I think it is going to take something substantial to do that, but I have a few "pain relievers" if you will.

The first thing is a thought that has just been a tremendous comfort to me. There is a guy that I like. One morning he was wearing this big cushy old man robe around his place. This thing was adorable and really was something my grandpa would have worn. But I find that image so endearing and comforting. When the void is feeling painful sometimes I close my eyes tightly and picture him sitting in the robe and I don't know how to describe it, but my chest just hurts less, and I usually feel a smile sneaking out from the corners of my mouth. (And if he reads this he will prob be totally weirded out so um... to him I'm sorry)

Something else that helps me is playing rockband. I know that sounds so silly, but my roommates and I will sit in our basement for hours just banging out songs. We even go "on tour" in the video game. I will spend hours with them just cracking up and laughing while we play. And for that hour or two I always feel like nothing much could really hurt me.

Lastly, I find certain songs to be a comfort. Lately I play the same three songs over and over again. There isn't any logic as to why these songs are easy on my ears, but right now "Traveling Band" by CCR, "Broken" by Seether and Amy Lee, and "Down in a Hole" by Alice in Chains. My poor i-pod is sick of it. All I do is play them. I will put "Broken" on repeat for an entire subway ride.

None of these things are permanent solutions to the void I feel, like I said before. But they do help me get through the days. They help with the breathing in and out. And for that I am truly grateful for them.

I just can't wait for the day when I have something tangible that makes me truly happy, not just images, thoughts, songs etc. I hope one day I won't need to live in a daydream in order to smile. I hope the reality is beautiful enough to do it on its own.

I do believe it will happen one day. We all end up happy in the end. Right?

Kisses,
Diariesofacrazysinglegirl@gmail.com

Happily Ever After vs. Scars

2008-12-05T14:36:00.009-05:00

Once Upon a Time... there was a girl who believed in prince charming, castles in the sky, true loves kiss and Happily Ever After...

Do you remember your first love? Well I mean obviously you do. We all remember the first person we loved. What we remember more was how painful the break up was. The first love also means the first break up.

My first love (real love) was my boyfriend in college. Neither of us had really ever been in a relationship so everything was new. Everything was trial and error. Everything was also very innocent. I was so quick to jump into the relationship, fearless, with out reservations I just handed over my heart.

It's amazing how innocent and pure that first experience is. You grow up watching Disney movies, listening to fairy tales. Then you spend your teen years reading Seventeen and watching romantic comedies. You groom your whole childhood and adolescent life, waiting for the day you meet someone and fall in love. And when it FINALLY happens you just give away the farm, hold back nothing. You share everything about your lives so quickly. Boundaries do not exist. It never occurs to you that this won't last, or that you might get hurt. You can't even imagine anything other than rainbows and sunshine, like they say ignorance is bliss.

Obviously, my first love and I ended things. It was a good run, 2 years. When it ended of course it was a very melodramatic my life is over, how am I ever going to feel whole again, type of break up. Like I said, YOU REMEMBER that first break up. It also does something to you. I cuts you, even though everything about you knows it wasn't meant to be, that pain cuts you deep. It traumatizes you. You get over your ex, but you don't get over the pain that's it caused you. Whether you admit it to yourself, you also vow never to put yourself through that kind of pain again. So guess what happens next.

Once the mourning period is over, you move on. Maybe you become promiscuous (I did) Maybe you start to party a lot more (I did) maybe you try some new drugs (I did) but you most definitely do one thing. You put up a wall. Maybe it's a little wall, maybe its the freaking Great Wall of China, but you put up a little wall.

When you start dating again you reserve yourself. Maybe not physically, but very much emotionally. You don't ask as many of the deep questions, you certainly don't talk about your tough stuff. And most importantly you never admit that you want more from the person you are dating.

It gets worse after every break up too. You get a little colder, and a little colder. Every time you break up with someone it's like it rips open that old wound.

I will admit it, I feel cold. I feel really cold. I try not to, and I don't want to be. However I'm so terrified to let someone in. To let anyone in. There are days I truly believe if I just spend the rest of my life alone it would be for the best because I will protected.

I think it's safe to say by the time you are 24 you develop defense mechanism. You keep people out, or at arms length because you don't want to get hurt. So if you don't let them in completely they can't.

I suck at it though. I try so hard to stay cynical, and to keep distance, but I am a total failure. When I start to care about someone I feel my heart open up. I care about the little things in their lives, like how the day went. I want to spend time with them, get to know them, let them know about me. It's cause I'm such a freaking sap. I hate to admit it, but I'm compassionate. I sense things in people. It's always been something I can do. Even as a kid I could do it. I can sense bad things a lot better than I can good, but I can feel goodness is someone. I can sense in someone I hardly know. It's nice, but then again it's very problematic. Just because they have goodness in them, and have so much love in them for family and friends, doesn't mean those feelings are going to channeled to me. In fact they most often are not.

So what now? Do I just continue to pretend I'm OK with the idea that I might be alone? That I'm OK with someone not loving me? That I'll never love anyone? I mean that's probably the safe route, but I think that it's also kind of awful. No one actually wants that right? I mean isn't that something only a true socio-path is comfortable with?

I never admit it. I pride myself on being sassy, independent, happy as I am. And I am happy, I have a lot to be thankful for, but I have days, when I really hope there is more out there for me. This is going to sound melodramatic but I feel like I have scraps of what used to be a heart, and all I want is for someone to sew them back together.

Is that a silly request? Is it too late for me to believe in Happily Ever After?

Kisses,

diariesofacrazysinglegirl@gmail.com

The Velveteen Rabbit

2008-12-04T14:02:00.007-05:00

I know I am supposed to be writing about my dating experiences in NYC.

However, my romantic life is kind of boring right now. I don't really have much to write about when it comes to men.

This is my problem. I am able to get the initial attention of people easily, its holding interest that I can't seem to do. A guy will be into me for a week or two but then he usually tappers off. It is just like the entry I wrote about phasing out. That's what happens to me. It happens to everyone, but it extra-happens to me.

I've been kind of wondering what it is about me that doesn't seem to hold interest. I have an odd sense of humor, and I'm really sarcasitc so perhaps sometimes that seems offensive. But then again I don't know. I suppose there is no point in over-analyzing. If a guy decides he is no longer interested in me I'm not going to fight it. No one sense in banging your head against a wall hoping it turns into a door right?

I read a quote today that I really like. It is from one of my favorite childhood books The Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Williams.

"What is real?" asked the Velveteen Rabbit one day."Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you- it doesn't happen all at once. You become. It takes a long time. Generally, by the time you become real most of your hair has been loved off and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

I love this quote. It is amazing how much depth can come from a book made for children.

I interpret this quote 2 different ways. One being more literal. That time goes on your body changes. You get older and don't look the way you used to, but you still become beautiful.

The other less obvious thought I had was that the quote is about life. Life weathering you down, making you tired and worn. Trials coming in and knocking you over. The tough stuff in life that takes a toll on your mind, body, and soul. However, at the end of the storm you emerge. You are wiser, and become real. The wisdom and strength you gained from your difficult days creates a warm inner beauty for all to see.

I know that sounds kind of cheesy, and it is. I just thought it was a nice thought. Thinking this way sometimes keeps me going, when I feel like I just want to stop.

Kisses,

diariesofacrazysinglegirl@gmail.com

Women who knew best...

2008-12-02T13:17:00.009-05:00

I believe that Audrey Hepburn, Coco Chanel, Grace Kelly and Marilyn Monroe were the most fabulous women to have ever lived. They had different outlooks on life that I find to be inspiring.

It has been a difficult year for me to say the very least, and the words of these women have really gotten me through some darker days. I wanted to share with you some food for thought from the people I admire most...

Marilyn Monroe:

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you can appreciate them when they are right, you believe lies so you learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."

"If I'd observed all the rules, I'd never have got anywhere."

"Creativity has got to start with humanity and when you're a human being, you feel, you suffer. "

Coco Chanel:

"In order to be irreplaceable one must always be different"

"How many cares one loses when one decided not to be something, but to be someone"

"The most courageous act is still to think for yourself. Aloud"

Audrey Hepburn:

"For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone."

"The best thing to hold onto in life is each other.”

“I was born with an enormous need for affection, and a terrible need to give it.”

"People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone.”People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone.”People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone.”

Grace Kelly:

"Hollywood amuses me. Holier-than-thou for the public and unholier-than-the-devil in reality”

"How can I bring up my daughters not to have an affair with a married man, when I was having affairs with married men all the time?"

"I've had happy moments in my life, but I don't think that happiness-- being happy-- is a perpetual state that anyone can be in. Life isn't that way."

"A person has to keep something to herself or your life is just a layout in a magazine.""

GOOD STUFF!

Kisses,

diariesofacrazysinglegirl@gmail.com

Thanksgiving Eve

2008-11-26T11:30:00.002-05:00

I love Thanksgiving. Aside from St. Patrick's Day, it is my favorite holiday.

I am going to be visiting my family out in Rhode Island this year, but tonight I will be venturing over to my hometown for the traditional Thanksgiving Eve.

Why do I do it? I hate my hometown! I talk to the people I want to and the rest are inconsequential. However, ever year with out fail my girlfriends and I suck it up and do the typical Thanksgiving Eve song and dance.

We do it because we want to see people. I want to know who from HS has gotten fat! That is my favorite part, who has gotten fat, bald and ugly. It is a ton of fun for me to sit there and pick people apart. (Except for the year it was me, that wasn't so fun.)

I soak in compliments to. I am a glutton, and I don't apologize for it. I was a very late bloomer, and was rather homely in HS. I think I was mostly just awkward looking, and didn't know how to properly groom or dress myself. So now when I got back to town and get "wow you look amazing" compliments I love it. And don't think I don't go out of my way to look good. There are very few occasions that I get dressed up on a Wed. night. Thanksgiving Eve is one of them. I bring home several outfits and shoes to play around with. Spend a considerable amount of time dedicated to hair and make up, and I leave my parents house feeling and looking good. I do it on purpose. I want those compliments damn it! I want to be the one who people say "wow did you see her, she looks great"

I mean don't get me wrong, I also love to see my girlfriends from HS. I love how months, even a year can go by, but when we all get together it is like zero time has past. We have a traditional lunch on Sat after noon to play real catch up. And I am very excited for it!

So for tonight, I'm leaving work at 1pm today, getting on the train home, and I will prob start to get ready to go out around 3pm ha ha!

It's not about getting a guy. To be honest I am not into guys from my hometown. But it all goes back to the, just because I don't want you doesn't mean you can't not want me!!!!!

Well now that I have completely appalled you with my self centered and vain blog.... Have a Happy Thanksgiving.

Kisses!

Diariesofacrazysinglegirl@gmail.com

Adventures at J. Sisters

2008-11-21T10:43:00.003-05:00

So I lost my virginity yesterday. Well kind of. As I mentioned yesterday I got my very first Brazilian wax last night. Miss M and I went, accompanied by Miss E to the infamous J. Sisters.

Oddly enough I had not heard about this place until a few months ago. I was on a date with a guy who mentioned it to me (not because he thought I needed it) and it got the wheels spinning. He was a total douche, but he did prove to be useful in this matter. For starters J. Sisters is beautiful. Very classy, very refined and most importantly very intimate. I did not feel the least bit uncomfortable.

My wax was done by Lulu, who was a total doll. I was a little nervous (understandably.) She brought me into the room and told me the get ready. I looked at her somewhat confused. Confession: I wasn't 100% sure what get ready meant. How much clothing needed to be off? She looked at me and smiled and said "This is your first time?" I told her yes and she said "Take off your pants and underwear and lay down on your back. I will return in a moment. And she left the little room.

So I took a deep breath. Pulled down my pants, removed the rather baggy cotton underwear I wore in preparation (luckily I have one pair) and laid down. Lulu returned and asked me how long it had been since I last shaved. WOW! No ice breaker there. I told her 4-5 days, and she said it's a little short which means it will probably hurt a lot, and it won't come out great since it was my first time. I braced myself.

Lulu had me bend and the knees and turn my legs out so the bottoms of my feet were touching, and then she went to town. No immodesty, no reserves, nada. She started throwing powder and rubbing down everywhere to prepare for the wax. And I do mean EVERYWHERE. I have had sex with men who have seen less places of my vag, than Lulu did. I am pretty sure she found a few spots I didn't even know about.

And then comes the wax. The wax itself doesn't hurt at all. Sometimes when I get my eyebrows down it burns a little, which I was concerned about since the skin down there is a little more delicate. Then she puts the cloth down and rips right away. No waiting, no drama just rip. The first rip to me was EXTREMELY PAINFUL. I didn't yell or even gasp but I think I did twist my hips a little. Lulu was very sweet though. She told me that 80% of the pain will not be felt the next time. But right now my hair is strong from shaving, and also very short, which makes it painful.

Lulu continued to be methodical and experienced. She was very quick no-nonsense, which I appreciated greatly. She did the entire right side right. The ENTIRE right side. Now let me explain to you places I was the most concerned about pain wise.

The area where the "lips" are located, yeah I was pretty worried about that hurting a lot. But actually it did not at all. I think it hurt the least actually.
I was also worried about the space between the "main attractions" if you will. I have heard of it referred to as the grundle, niffken, etc etc etc. That was another area of concern for me. But again, it really did not hurt over there. It hurt the most at the space near my thighs, and the space below my naval. The "up top" area if you will. That was another stingy section.

After Lulu finished the right side, she moved on to the left. Now, she was great. I really liked her, but her room has all of these pictures of her kids in it. And like family photos. I understand it's her office, but there is nothing more odd that having someone rip the hair off you from naval to end of crack, and have pictures of their kids staring at you while it goes down. It felt a little awkward.

Lulu asked me if someone recommended me. I said yes, I was on a date with a guy once who mentioned you guys. I have done my research since and learned you are the best. I also told her my roommates were here as well.
I then asked Lulu is a lot of people scream when they get this done. She said about 12 years ago when she started, and people didn't know much about Brazilians and what it covered they screamed. But not so much now. I didn't scream! Which I am proud of myself about.

So after she finished up the left side I thought we were just about done, I wouldn't imagine there was anywhere else that needed to be waxed down. I was wrong, Lulu then asked me to lift up my legs. She had my hold both of them over my head (like a sexual position) while she went to town on my backside. Which honestly did not hurt at all, but I thought it would have.
Once she was done there, she tweezed out a few hairs hear and there and that was that.

When all was finally said and done she said I need to come back in 4 weeks. I am not allowed to shave, tweeze or do anything to that entire area. She said I am going to want to, but I have to be patient. She said to come back before Christmas and she will have me ready for the Holidays :-)
So I would like to apologize in advance for anyone who has to see me during those 4 weeks that it might be growing out. Miss M apologizes as well.

I would defiantly recommend this to any girl. It makes you feel very grown up, very sexy, very refined. Plus it was a great little true "New York Girl" activity. J.Sisters is on the expensive side, but honestly it was totally worth it. I wouldn't want some unsanitary hole in the wall place doing all of that on me.

http://www.jsisters.com/

Ask for Lulu or Joyce (miss M had her and really liked her)

Miss M also informed me it was not as painful as she thought it would be. I personally thought some places hurt quiet a bit.Let me know how it goes for you.

Miss E was there to take pictures of us before and after we came out of the rooms as well. Such a great friend!

I am hoping I get positive feedback on the results :-)

Kisses,

diariesofacrazysinglegirl@gmail.com

Girl/Boy Interrupted

2008-11-20T11:30:00.006-05:00

I apologize, it has been awhile since my last blog. I was out of town this last weekend, and the week has been chaotic.Have no fear, I am still very much in the zone and my life is as always CRAZY.

I was trying to pick out a topic to write about. I like to have topics, I write well when there is a subject at hand as opposed to rambling.
I picked out something that is actually pretty difficult to talk about, but it happens to everyone so I think it is something we can all relate to.

Lets talk about losing interest and phasing out.
Losing interest sucks when you're on the lost end. It happens to me a lot actually. I do well with getting a guys initial attention, but I can't seem to hold it for an extended period of time. It's quiet the predicament.
I have been thinking a lot lately about why this happens. I mean sometimes people will just lose interest because that is their mind set. Example, when you finally give it up the chase is over and you aren't as appealing. But then again, if you don't put out you seem prude and honestly who wants to hang around a prude.

One of my friends stopped talking to a guy cause he wouldn't sleep with her after 3 dates, he wanted to "kiss and touch... if you're comfortable with that" I believe was his direct quote. Obviously she wasn't comfortable with the lack of touching.

I think guys luck out usually though. I girl won't really lose interest in you if you sleep with her "too soon." She's not very likely to turn around and think, well he's easy I'm done with him. I'm not saying that NEVER happens, I've done it, but it's LESS likely to happen to a guy. Now if I girl puts out too early, OMG! What a mess. Her stock depreciates faster than Washington Mutual.

I would like to remind everyone, that it takes at least two people to have sex (Sometimes if you are very lucky a third makes an appearance) And if you think the other person was too easy, remember you were just as easy as them. INTERESTING!

I hate it when people lose interest in me. Even if I don't like them that much it drives me crazy. Like it actually makes me insane. See I'm a redhead, we're nuts! Like seriously bonkers! We make great lovers, but we make even more powerful fighters... Advice: do NOT piss off a redhead.
So what do I do when a guy loses interest in me? Well I spend the majority of the day telling myself and anyone who will listen that "I totally don't care" and I'll do what I can for distractions. But usually around 9pm things start to turn in my head. My last boyfriend told me I love to stir, I sit and let myself get really angry and then I attack. He was dead on right about that. I really do. I start to over analyze, and then get mad. Then I get drunk, THAT'S A GREAT IDEA. And then what do I do? I send nasty text messages. For example one of my favorites I have ever sent was "You know what new plan, I'm not texting you anymore until you decide to like me cause I don't like the blows to the ego"Someone ask me why I thought that would be alluring to a guy who clearly lost interest in me? I mean honestly, if I got a message like that I would have showed all my friends, laughed out loud and though FINALLY someone got the hint! But no, at the time I was like wow this is totally going to show him... It did not.

Which brings me to the next problem. The phase out. I hate the phase out. Well I hate be phased out, I don't mind phasing someone out. But at least when I am tired of someone. I pretty much let them know. I don't like disappear, or sometimes answer them, or confuse them. You know I am done with you cause I say it. Blunt and point blank, Thanks for playing here is you t-shirt!

When I get phased out, its never so black and white. No, it's actually land of gray. I hate gray! I get the call once every 2 weeks asking to come over, or inviting me out. Or I get the "you're hot" text messages after nothing for three weeks. Yeah that's the phase out. And I never get an explanation as to why I'm being phased out, which drives me crazy. Tell me why? Cause you think I'm fat? Cause I'm bad in bed? Cause I swear too much? Cause I'm a drunk? Cause my boobs are too small? What is it? TELL ME! Yeahhhhh those are all the things that go through my mind when I am being phased out, and I go NUTS! And it happens to all of us. You know it does.

I should take a step back. I wasn't always so point blank when it came to phasing out. When I was just out of college I did the typical, I'm just not going to talk to you until you get the hint, to this guy I was kinda seeing. Well of course he went bonkers over it, and didn't get the hint, so he pushed harder, OBVIOUSLY! And finally cracked from my lack of response. He came over to my apt at 2am one morning, climbed up my fire escape, took out my roommates window fan, and broke into the apt so he could confront me. At the time I thought OMG this guy is nuts, but you know what it really was my fault. I let him dance in that land of the gray area instead of just telling it like it is. See bad things happen when you don't do that. So since then I have always been upfront and honest about my intentions.

So what am I trying to say... People lose interest, its inevitable. There are a million reasons why it happens, and sometimes there is no reason at all. It's fine, it's natural. All I ask, it you tell people when you're not interested in them anymore. Bite the bullet. It sucks, it's hard to hear, it's hard to say, but sometimes getting them "I'm just not that into you" really saves the sanity.

What I've learned: How to avoid men breaking into my apt via fire escape. BTW at the time I lived on the 5th floor. Impressive climbing skills on his part!

P.S. I am getting my first Brazilian Wax tonight.. will let you know how it goes tomorrow :-)

Case of the Reds

2008-11-13T11:32:00.002-05:00

I'm feeling rather off this week.

I'm not feeling depressed or hopeless. In fact recently I've been feeling pretty smiley and smitten. But still I can't put my finger on what it is I am feeling.

My favorite movie is "Breakfast at Tiffany's." It's a classic, and I find such comfort in Holly Golightly's absent, eccentric, just go with it personality. I love her. Plus the fashion in the movie is classic Chanel, timeless.

In the movie Audrey Hepburn's character Holly poses the following question.

Holly Golightly: You know those days when you get the mean reds?

Paul Varjak: The mean reds, you mean like the blues?

Holly Golightly: No. The blues are because you're getting fat and maybe it's been raining too long, you're just sad that's all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you're afraid and you don't know what you're afraid of. Do you ever get that feeling?

Paul Varjak: Sure.

Holly Golightly: Well, when I get it the only thing that does any good is to jump in a cab and go to Tiffany's. Calms me down right away. The quietness and the proud look of it; nothing very bad could happen to you there. If I could find a real-life place that'd make me feel like Tiffany's, then - then I'd buy some furniture and give the cat a name!

That's it, that's what I am feeling.

I don't want to get into my thoughts and fears on the economy and the job market, because it's depressing and on every ones mind. However, that I am sure contributes to my case of the Reds. The fear of being out of work, not being able to pay my bills, that certainly always plagues the back of my mind. The holidays dredge up a lot of painful memories for me as well, so it's a difficult time of year I guess.

I had a really great convo on Sunday night with my Crush whom I have strict rules I will not write about. We listed our favorite things.

Things that calm me down and take care of my case of the Reds. Not a bad concept (in no order)

Wine

Music Time

Green Tea

Everything bagels w/ Chive Cream Cheese

Black & White photos

my sister

Sebastian (my cat)

Jim Croce

Old Movies

Coco Chanel quotes (one of my idols)

Vanilla Scents

Ben and Jerry's Cherry Garcia Froyo

multi-colored roses

I recomend you make a list of things that help you out when you have a case of the reds and/or blues. Especially on this rainy New York day. Let me know what they are!

kisses,

diariesofacrazysinglegirl@gmail.com

Donde Está su Ropa?

2008-11-11T21:42:00.003-05:00

So I have this theory that there are things that ONLY happen to me. My life though in the simplest forms might seem ordinary, it is anything but. Strange things happen to me all the time. Strange things that DO NOT happen to ANYONE else, happen to me. For a while I thought it was just the way I perceived the world, that I saw things happening differently than other people did. However, that is not the case, weird freakin things happen to me.

Perhaps that is why I am so quirky and weird, I am just a product of my odd surroundings. Maybe I was just brought up in a very big, loud, evasive family that has caused all of these bizarre things to happen to me through out life.
Side note: I love my family dearly, but they are THAT family. The ones who needed 12 tickets to my college graduation, and who were camping outside the arena at 6:30 so they could be there for the doors to open at 9, so they were all able to sit front row center and scream and wave frantically at every single one of my friends, and myself as they walked by. Just needing to make sure everyone saw them (because they so discretely blend in and all)
...Sorry I have gone on a tangent, back to my life and all its oddities.

Today something that only would happen to me happened. I am not sure if I mentioned this but I take yoga. I am actually getting to be pretty good at it and have started doing it on a much more difficult level. (I highly recommend Vinyasa yoga to anyone, Hatha is crap.) So I headed over for NYSC for a 630 class. I arrived a little early and decided I would sit in the sauna for 10 mins to warm up, I was feeling pretty sure from the class the day before. On the way I purchased a new lock for my locker. Practiced a few times, nailed it every time, took off my clothes threw them in the locker, locked it up and headed to the Sauna wearing nothing but two rather small towels, wash clothes if you will.

The sauna was amazing, extremely relaxing and to be honest, I get so turned on in there, I usually come out pretty horny, but I usually am anyway.

It is now 6:15 so I have just enough time to change and stretch out before Yoga. So I always over to my locker and turn in my combo 19-31-19, doesn't work, try again 19-31-19 still doesn't work. I am 100% certain the first and last numbers are 19 so I stand there, drenched in my washcloths trying out every other 19-30-something-19 combo TWICE. Nothing, I for the life to me can not remember the middle number.

Now I have a predicament. I naked, so that pretty much contains me to the women's locker room. There are no attendants in sight. I'm cold. And this in New York City, no one is going to do me a favor and help. I mean come on, this is the place where nice comes to die. And honestly, the fat women in there were prob gloating at my misfortune. (Don't hate me just cause your husband doesn't want to sleep with your menopausal fat ass anymore.) So there I am with virtually no options.

Finally I brace myself and walk up the stairs of the locker room, with only my full frontal parts covered and flag over what appears to be the cleaning lady. I tell her I have forgotten my locker combo and need someone to cut it open for me. She replies with "donde está su ropa" which means where are your clothes in Spanish. THANK YOU GOD I WAS A SPANISH MINOR. So I tell her in Spanish "Olvidé mi combinación del armario" She asks me where my locker is. I point and she smiles and opens a closet with giant locker cutters.

My little Mexican angel comes to the rescue and opens my locker for me. Then disappeared before I could put clothes on and tip her. Needless to say I did not go to yoga. In fact the class was already half over by the name my nude scene was done. So instead I did the opposite of what is healthy. I went to Starbucks and got a big hot fattening chai tea latte and a cookie.

Oh and for the record, the locker combo, which was in my purse, in my locker, was 19-3-19. Miss M told me when I got home I should have taken it in the sauna with me. People, I was naked. Where was I going to put it? Up my vag for safe keeping?

What I've learned: Put your locker combo up your vag for safe keeping. Its alot more comfortable than running around the Rock Center NYSC naked for 30+ mins.

kisses

diariesofacrazysinglegirl@gmail.com

Chivalry, Compliments and Other Lost Arts

2008-11-10T15:08:00.008-05:00

Miss New England has requested I write this blog. It is a personal matter to her. She has been talking with this boy, and he does not compliment her, which drives her crazy.

So my blog today is about complimenting. I know this sounds lame, but believe it or not I think it is a pretty delicate subject when it comes to your relationships, or non-titled associations if you don't use the "R" word. Cause I know everyone freaks over the R word.

So I lack a filter. Anyone who knows me knows that I am #1 a horrible liar, and #2 I have no filter. Something comes to mind, I say it. I can't help it, it just slips out. And I have even less of a filter when I have been drinking. I have negative amounts of filter when I have been drinking actually.

This works and does not for me. I like that I'm honest with people, and don't deceive or try to make them think I am something I am not. But I also can be a bit much. Meaning if I don't like you, you know it. I was once hooking up with a guy who was beyond self conscious, it drove me bonkers because I could never talk. H e was talking about his double chin. Which to be honest he had. He wasn't fat, but for some reason he had a very full face, and he had a double chin. And he would dwell on it. So I told him instead of dwelling on it, why doesn't he just embrace it, and be ok with it. And he flipped out on me because I basically told him he has a double chin, and there is nothing he can do about it so he should just accept it and move on.

Alright, fine, maybe I should have been more sensitive to him, and used gentler words, but that's just me. I say whats on my mind. But at the same time, if I like someone, and think they are cute, or amazing or both. I say it, I say it a bunch. Usually cause I'm happy and the filter when I am happy is the same as when I am drunk. But I am wondering if compliments make people feel uncomfortable.

I love compliments, I mean as long as they are sincere keep them coming. Its great, I can not get enough of them. Some of you right now are probably thinking I am vain, that's ok, I'm fine with that :-) But it's the truth, if you like something about me, tell me, cause I'm certainly going to tell you.

So men and compliments. Its a sticky situation isn't it? I mean you have some guys who pay you compliments, because they are line. They know certain words will get you into bed. (For the record, I don't need compliments, Billy Joels Version of "Shameless" and/or Percy Sledge's "When a Man Loves a Woman" will never fail to get me to drop my panties.) But with guys I am afraid you have an uphill battle when you compliment a girl. If you do pay her compliments, especially if she doesn't have clothes on, she might accuse you of being insincere. And perhaps you are being insincere, in which case, you suck, but that's just my opinion. If you are being sincere, it can be hard for you to see a girl have a difficult time digesting the compliment. But don't get offended, we weren't born that way. People who paid us insincere compliments made us that way! (just kidding.... well 50%)
My advice to guys everywhere, if you like something about a girl, like actually like something about her, especially physically, tell her. Tell her over and over until she finally gets it.

Girls, when it comes to guys, well I'm clueless 99% of the time. But I know I pay compliments when it is due, sometimes I feel like a jack-ass because of it, but I would rather say it and get uncomfortable looks, than not say it and wonder if he ever knew what I thought.

My deep thought really here which is super cheesy and I'm sorry. I just feel like we always are afraid to tell people what we really think, or how we really feel. But why? Why is it so hard to just be honest and upfront? Why is it easier to hide in the shades of gray than to accept the black and white?

Why can't life be like the romantic old movies?

What I've learned today: Miss New England is Hot and should be a VS model!

What Not To Do

2008-11-08T07:57:00.004-05:00

So as I lay awake last night at 3am, like a total crack whore I got a bunch of funny ideas in my head.
It is amazing what one thinks about when they are alone in the still wee hours of the morning.

I started coming up with funny things you could do to a person when you sleep with them for the first time.

Keep in mind I don't think I would seriously do any of these. And perhaps you don't find them funny. Maybe to you they are stupid, offensive, immature etc etc That's fine, I don't really care.

Top Five Things You Don't Want to Say/Or Hear After Sex:

1) So my first thought was, after you sleep with them you should slap them on the ass and be like thanks! That makes you # 13. Or what ever number of people you have slept with is. Honestly, Imagine how awkward and hilarious/not at all that would be. I started laughing on my floor to myself just thinking about what I would do if someone said that to me.

2) My next thought was to have a suggestion box by the door of your bedroom. And when they go to leave in the morning ask them if they wouldn't mind filling out a customer satisfaction survey.

3) Thought number three: after you are done having sex turn to them and say ok so on a scale of one ten how did I do? And then I will tell you how you did... deal?

4) Ok this one I am not sure if it should be done before of after sex. It depends on the point you are trying to make.
Right after the condom is put on (or not if thats your thing, watch out for the HIV) and insertion is about to take place say "be gentle its my first time"
or you wait until you already have had sex, and then ask "So that was my first time, could you tell?"

5) And lastly, also probablly the most ballsy. After sex say "I'm really glad you came over this week, and not last because I was having a herpies outbreak last week. Stupid valtrex not doing its job. So wanna go for round two?"

What I've learned: Firemen are H-O-T-T :-P

Good Kisser = ???????

2008-11-06T13:23:00.003-05:00

Tell me something... what can you tell about a person from their kisses?

This is actually pretty important. You see I have this guy. He is an amazing kisser, and amazing maker-outer for that matter. He's great. Very slow, very tender, very attentive. But we haven't consummated our relationship.

So here I am, with the tension building up. The very good kisses, and a mind full of illicit thoughts plauguing me daily, screw that every 30 seconds (one track mind) wondering what it would be like to sleep with this guy.

Now I have a feeling it will go one of two ways. We will either be very compatable and it will be mind blowing. Or, it's going to be awkward, cumblsy and well down right bad.

Todays topic, does a good kisser = good in bed.

I like to be worshiped. I'm not afriad to say that. I love it when a guy takes the time to admire every inch of me. I soak up the compliments about how amazing I look. I love being adored and there is nothing wrong with that.

I hate when a guy is frantic. Quickly kissing me and then before you know it, I don't have any clothes on and well the show is over. Its like a whirl-wind of what just happend, and to be honest, very selfish on the guys end as well, its not all about you, its all about me. I'm sorry I don't make the rules, I just enforce them.

So anyways, a good kisser takes his time. He is methodical, and is not in a hurry. Plus to me, a good kisser is as into the kiss as I am. Not more or less. And also a good kisser makes me feel safe and happy.

Now all of that should equal out to great sex right? Eh maybe. But then again maybe not.
What if the kisses are so good I create something in my head that realistically no one can ever live up to? Or what is, he just is clueless.

Now look at the flip side. Is someone that is a bad kisser going to be good in bed? And I'm talking bad, like choke you, biting your face, swallow you hole, wtf was that kind of bad. I mean is there really anyway for a person that clueless when it comes to kissing to know much else physically. Eh, I don't think it's likely

There are of course exceptions to every situation.

My roommate informed me that in college she dated a guy who was a great kisser, he was great at everything, expect sex. I believe her exact words were "at the end I would just roll over in disgust and not want to cuddle"
So I mean thats pretty clear cut that it was THAT bad.

What makes a person good in bed anyways? I mean it can't all be on one person. It takes two to tengo. And no matter what you say, great sex is an intimate thing. You have to feel a certain level of emotion towards the person you are with, a certain comfort, and you have to know what one another likes.

I mean the drunken romp around the room with a stranger is fine and all, but I've never found it to be MIND BLOWING. Mind blowing came from experince, and even comunication. Mind blowing also included several vibrating devices being incorporated... but thats a story for another day.

So do you think someone who is a good kisser has a better chance of being good in bed. Or do you think it means nothing?

What I've learned since my last blog: I'm smitten

kisses
diariesofacrazysinglegirl@gmail.com

Who's in your top five?!?!?!!??!

2008-11-05T12:33:00.001-05:00

Happy Post Election Day everyone! Regardless of who you voted for, it was really amazing to see such an incredible turn out at the polls. It was so exciting to see such an enthusiasm about politics, as well as history in the making.

This however, it not a politics blog, though I think that would be a great idea and is something very sexy, savvy, and intelligent. It’s sexy to be smart kids!

My topic today is something of great personal interest to me. It is also a system I have been working on for quite a while and I am still perfecting it everyday.

Being a young, single, obviously beautiful (kidding) girl in New York City I obviously need to also be very careful. It is a crazy place to be. And the dating/bar scene can be overwhelming and intimidating at times. It can also be down right sleezy and annoying.

When I first started going out to bars in New York I felt like I was being circled in a pool of sharks, just going in for the attack at all directions. And it’s not like these are people with the best of intensions, 90% of the men who come up to talk to me at the bar have one goal… to see my naked. And while I will admit, it is a great thing to see, it’s not happening SORRY!

So how do I decide who is worth talking to, and who is not? Do I let them by me a drink and ramble on about who great they are, and they work in finance and have all their hair. NO! And to be honest, being a girl who often lies at the bar, you never know if someone is being honest with you. I mean they could lie about their name, age, occupation, location etc etc all easy stuff. So I decided to develop a system, and filter if you will. That lets me decide if I am going to continue conversation, and eventually give my number to a guy.

Feel free to use it, and it is def something men and women can both use. Very uni-sex.

So allow me to paint a picture for you. I am at a bar, dressed up, looking cute, sipping on my signature drink, rum and pineapple. Yes I will drink rum and pineapple even in march. And a guy with or with out his friends walks up to me and strikes up a conversation. Now, first things first, he does have my respect for coming up to me. I find guys are often very shy so to be brave enough to do that certainly earns you a gold star. Anyways, he’s strikes up a conversation, what do I do.

Well first things first I do what any red blooded human does, I look him up and down and decide if I think he has any potential to be cute at all, even if its only from certain angles. And then I drop my straight forward question. I say very calmly “OK. Guy X let me ask you a question. If I like your answer we will go from there.” It is usually at this point that the guy is intrigued and a little taken back. But he almost always agrees to be asked a question. I mean after all, doesn’t he just want to get me into bed?

So I say, “Tell me your top 5 favorite bands of all time, they don’t have to be in order and you can feel free to take your time and think out loud”
Why do I ask this? Well there are a few reasons. One, I am a huge music buff. I like a very wide variety of music, and have an extensive understands of most genres. So it is an interest of mine. If a guy is passionate about music in general its good, we have something in common.

Now its up to him to have a good top five. And to be fair it’s a very difficult question, and I have a ton of respect when a guy says wow I need some time this is hard. And takes me through his thought process. Its hot as well!

Now if the guys top five bands are crummy (in my opinion) I usually smile and say well ok then. Give him my top five. Turn and dismiss the conversation.

If he succeeds and has a respectable top five. And might I add, his top five doesn’t have to be similar to mine, it can be the opposite, it just has to be good, and passionate.

So if its good I say ok, very well done I have a follow up question now. And I ask him his top five favorite solo artists of all time.

Same formula applies to this question. If a guy has a good top five, and doesn’t seem like he is a creep, he has a very good chance of getting my phone number. If you have a great top five… well I might just fall in love with you!

Why do I do this? I filter mostly. And it’s unique I feel. It gets a conversation flowing, you can branch into similar interests, and to me seems so much more fun than the whole “what do you do, oh where did you go to HS, Oh where did you grow up” ice breaker questions.

For the record:
My Top 5 Bands (in no order)
Beatles, Led Zep, Guns N Roses, CCR and Queen

Top Five Solo Artists (in no order)
Billy Joel, Elton John, Johnny Cash, Frank Sinatra, Janis Joplin
(This one changes around a little sometimes, I will replace Joplin with The Boss or Elvis)

What are your top five? What do you think of this system? Good? Bad? Tweeks?

Comments are welcome

Kisses!
Diariesofacrazysinglegirl@gmail.com

A leauge of our own??????

2008-11-04T15:55:00.006-05:00

I would like to credit this topic to Miss. M by the way. She is the
inspiration behind it

Have you ever heard of the expression, she is out of my league, or he is out of my league?

Of course you have! And it happens. You see an attractive person somewhere and you think about going up and talking to them, but you get shy, self-conscious and then wonder if you look good enough, and thus the thoughts begin. Or perhaps you have friends that are jerks, and they tell you that you don't stand a chance with the person you are scoping out.

Or in my case you have a Miss New England who once told me to stop learning against the bar backwards while obviously staring down seductively at my prey because it made me look stupid. (For the record that guy came up to talk to me, bought my friends drinks, AND we made out.. he sure was pretty too)

Ok so back to the "league" and who is in and out of it.

I'm not a game player. I actually hate playing games, I pride myself on the fact that I am a straight shooter and you know where you stand with me. HOWEVER I will admit we all, myself included fall subject to this one giant cosmic game, and it is called holding interest.

Men and Women a like will complain about people playing with their head. No one likes to be confused, and not know where they stand. But at the same time, nothing holds your interest more than someone who is NOT interested in you. Or seems not that interested.

When I was in college my boyfriend at the time had this frat brother. I kid you not this guy had to be over 300 lbs. He was ugly, he was mean, he had a crummy personality, over all he was down right repulsive. Well nasty boy told my boyfriend he thought I was ugly, that I looked like a tree (whatever that means) and that he could get a much better looking girl. Ok yes that's cruel, but it drove me insane! It didn't matter that this guy should not be talking he weight like 2 of me (LITERALLY) or that my boyfriend so clearly didn't feel the same way so why should it matter. None of that mattered, I needed the fatty to think I was hot. The nick name tree spread like wildfire in the frat and suddenly everyone called me tree (I still don't really get it) And they weren't exactly a "cool" group of guys, but suddenly because they thought I was ugly I need them to APPROVE! It was crazy. So one night at the bar in college probably 2 years later (and about 1 year post break up might I add) I went up to a group of the frat boys (intoxicated) and stated/slurred… I DON'T LOOK LIKE A TREE, ADMIT THAT I AM HOT! They all kind of laughed, which infuriated me, but believe it or not, I did independently receive IMs, text messages, and drunk dials the next week from them telling me they thought I was really beautiful, had crushes on me, and most def did not look like a tree. The desire to prove anything diminished though.

So what am I saying? Well when you have been on a date or two with a person, and are kind of on the fence, or leaning towards no, NOTHING is hotter than that person "losing interest" It drives me bonkers when a guy doesn't text message me, or doesn't seem interested. Example:
Lacoste Shirt total tool, I hate womanizers, and men from CT for that matter, but that doesn't give him the right to not WANT ME! Everyone should want me! Why doesn't he want me? I mean just because I don't want him doesn't mean she shouldn't want me!!!!!!

Has this ever happened to you? Have you ever been "not that into" a person, and then all of a sudden you find out they are hooking up with other people, or they aren't that into you? Or they stop answering your text messages. What did you do? It drove you totally crazy didn't it.

We all want that cosmic upper-hand, we want what we can't have, we want to chase. Even if we say we don't like games, deep down NOTHING is hotter than someone who doesn't want you.

Which leads me to believe that we can get anyone we want, as long as we act like we hate them.

What I've learned? If I like a guy, I'm going to basically pretend I hate him, never return his calls, show zero interest, and tell him he is fat. I'll have him proposing in no time

comments welcome!!!!!

suggestions:
Diariesofacrazysinglegirl@gmail.com

Happy Election Day!

2008-11-04T15:01:00.000-05:00

Well hello everyone! Today is a pretty big day in the US now isn't it? Election Day.

I have to say it has been a LONG campaign... and now the day is finally here! Its kind of crazy!

I will say this, it is amazing the amount of people that have come out and been passionate about the election. I mean at the end of the day I don't care what you believe in, or what your political views are, but just have them. Bottom line. Have an opinion, have an idea, have a clue as to whats going on. Don't just sit back and disengage.

So speaking on engagement... no not that type ha ha. I really want people to be active in the blog. I am pretty passionate about reaching my readers, and I do hope more of you start to follow. So I have created an email address for the blog.

Feel free to get in touch with me about anything. Honestly. Talk about if you hated my post, or loved it. Talk about something you went through and want me to write about. Throw in horror or amazing dates you went on. Crazy creeps for prince charmings you met. I really do what this to be a place where people feel they can engage and relate to. And what better way than through things that really happen.

So here you have it.
Diariesofacrazysinglegirl@gmail.com

Get writing, tell me what you think of the blog, tell me what I can do to make it better. I am really open to any suggestions.

And most importantly TELL YOUR FRIENDS!!!!!!

:-)

McDreamy Kisses!!!

2008-11-02T20:09:00.004-05:00

I hope everyone had a great Halloween. I certainly did. We celebrated both Fri. and Sat this year, so it made for an excellent weekend in deed!

I saw tons of great costumes as well, included a bunch of men dressed up and China's Olympic womens swim team. Pretty intense! Pretty intense!

I was considering a halloween blog, filled with stories of my bar crawl, and meeting people. Which I did do, and had a great time doing it. Always fun to be in the company of my fellow trouble makers.

However something happen today that is just wayyyyyyyyyy to great to not write about. But here is the problem. I actually like the boy I am writing about so I can't give you specifics about him or what happened. It is a rule I have, but I will tell you this. I have a crush. Well, I have been having a crush for a while. Since Aug, on this guy. He is adoreable, and like the nicest guy. I'm actually pretty proud of myself as well because I was the one who fearlessly went after him instead of just wishing I could.

Well we kissed for the first time today, and it was down right dreamy. Which is what I want to blog about. Dreamy Kisses.

There all different types of kisses we experience in our lives.
You have the perfuncatory I'm just kissing you because I'm ready to leave this nightmare of a date kiss.
There is the lets sloppy make out at the bar kiss (always a classic)
There are the we have been in love for years and this just comes with ease and comfort kisses.
There are impulse kisses that are little, soft, cute and flirty.
There is the passionate hollywood kiss, which personally I think it to overcompensate and mostly for flares of drama.
The list goes on, there are tons of different kisses, if you want to add types please feel free to comment with them :-) I would love to hear!
So admist all these kisses, every once in a blue moon you get the down right dreamy kiss.
The dreamy kiss, is the one that restores your faith in fairytales, princes and princesses, knights on white horses, and butterflies. Thats the key to the dreamy kiss, the butterflies.
They are pretty rare, but what an affect they can have.

You know what I am talking about. Its the kind of kiss you never want to come up for air from. The kind of kiss that is so good, so sweet, so passionate all you can think about is that you never want this to end, and curse the moment it has to.

Dreamy kisses are filled with gentle fingers on the face and neck, run throughs of the hair. Deep inhales of the other person scent. Dreamy kisses transport you into a different world and suddenly you don't even know or care where you are. They are the kisses that you don't care if anyone is watching, or if you are in public, because nothing else matters but that kiss in that moment. There is nothing else.

Dreamy kisses are the ones that when you do walk away from all you can do is smile. You can't stop smiling. Even if you are sitting by yourself on a subway late on a sunday, you are just smiling smiling smiling.
They jolt you with energy to. They are the kind of kisses literally you want to just run through the streets singing like your life is a freaking Rogers and Hammerstein musical type of kisses.

For me also, after a dreamy kiss, I get a pint of ice cream. Well now-a-days because I am more health conscious its froyo, but regardless. For me when I come home with that, its a clear indicator that I am visiting on cloud nine.

That is what went on today. I came back to my apt from my dreamy kiss, and was greeted by Miss M and Miss New England in the kitchen. They commented on how I was smiling, and giddy and of course needed to know everything. Then Miss E comes out of the shower see the pint of ice cream and goes. OMG SHE HAS ICE CREAM HOLD ON I NEED TO HEAR THIS!
She knows its a clear sign that I am smitten with I have ice cream (froyo)
I ate the whole pint btw. Which now that the endorphins have calmed a little, I'm feeling rather sick from doing, but thats besides the point.

I sat on the kitchen floor, rolling around, feeling like I must have taken some crazy upper drug, while describing the kisses that I haad with my crush.

They were amazing, down right I am the freaking Little Mermaid (red hair) and Prince Eric has just kissed me into happily ever after amazing!

Unfortunatly my crush has to go away for work for the next few days, and our kisses took place enroute to the airport, but let me just say this... I can't wait for more of them.
I am pretty sure it's my new drug.

"She works hard for her money"

2008-10-28T22:07:00.003-04:00

A very dear friend of mine has requested that I discuss an important topic of this blog. Which BTW please feel free to leave comments with suggestions for blog topics. I would love to know what you guys are dying to discuss.

The issue at hand is girls paying or going dutch (1/2 in) on dates or for drinks.

I think this is a great topic and actually very relevant to the times. Should you pay or offer to pay for your half.

I have often had conversations with my girlfriends about this and I haven't come to on conclusive answer to be honest.

When I was in college I had a very hard time letting guys pay for anything or take me out to dinner. It made me uncomfortable, or I felt I wasn't worth the money it cost for dinner. Wow talk about low self esteem. Part of it I think had to do with my first college boyfriend. He was a nice guy, but very dry and methodical. An engineering major who was as structured and disciplined in his academic life as he was in his bedroom life. (Him on top, me on top, doggy style, the end, lather rinse repeat) He often would walk ahead of me so he could get to class faster, you know a whole 2 mins or whatever 10 steps ahead could get him. And no I was not an engineering major, but once or twice we had a class at the same time in the same building. But needless to say I can only remember one time he paid for me on a date.

It was our Jr. year of college, valentines day, and he took me to the early bird special an Bennegan's. We had to go to the early bird special (4pm) because he had to study all night for his test that was coming up in 3 weeks. After the date he told me that when we get married we will prob spend $50.000 on our wedding, but to save money I can get a used wedding dress. Needless to say the relationship ended shortly after that v-day.

After that break up I think I was a little jaded on the whole paying thing and never felt comfortable.

Now, it is 2008, almost 2009. Women have more power than ever. They can raise four kids, work full time, make dinner and still manage to pay the bills and clean the house all while talking on the phone. There is no question that we have made the game of men vs women much more even. So is there any reason why we should not offer to pay for ourselves? Well no, there isn't.

Now, here is where I start to sound like a total hypocrite. I think of myself as ballsy, even a little bit of a Tom boy. I'm an aggressive business woman, I love sports, I enjoy a cold beer, and I have no problem enjoying the "casual" company of a male companion on a lonely evening. Aka, I will play the guys game just as well as him any day. However, there is one major difference. I may be ballsy, but I am in fact lacking the "frank and the beans" which means I'm a girl. And like any girl, I enjoy romance. I shave my legs for dates, I pick out pretty underwear, I wear perfume, I spend hours getting my hair ready so that it looks "I just got out of the shower wet." And I love a nice romantic gesture. Holding open doors, taking my arm when we walk, letting me off the elevator first etc etc etc.

So do I love it when a guy wants to take me out to dinner and cover the whole thing. ABSO-FUCKING-LUTLEY! I love it, I love to be spoiled and taken care of. I love to have an evening when I feel like a princess.

So, what do I think about paying? Well I think it depends on the situation. First and foremost, I will almost always always always at the very least do the whole "reach for the wallet" gesture. And for the record I do always recommend you have enough cash to cover yourself on any date, just in case it does go in the direction where you have to pay.
Now, if the date is going well and I like the guy, I will grab the check and look at it, if he grabs it back I will smile and say so what does this make it an official date where you're paying for me?
And see what he says.
If the date is going badly, and I just feel like i want to claw my eyes and/or ears out, I will actually insist on paying for myself. Call me rude, but I like to be up front and shoot straight. I don't want the guy thinking I'm swept away or that I want to be his princess that he pays for.
I've also heard a pretty good philosophy that whoever asked for the date should be prepared to pay. So if the guy asked you to dinner, then he should expect to pay. However, I have asked a guy to have a drink with me on more than one occasion, to which I have prefaced him a head of time letting him know I am taking him out on a date. (Sometimes I do this if I think the guy makes less money than me but is cute)

So bottom line, like anything else it really is a case by case basis. But to be fair I do think you should always at the very least offer to pay for yourself, and be prepared to do so. I mean you can always hold it against him and use it to win future fights ha ha

What I've learned today: That I want to go on a date this week, but don't have any lined up :-(

"I've Got Friends in Low Places"

2008-10-26T13:50:00.004-04:00

Ok well maybe not low places, but I have a rather interesting topic I would like to discuss. As always your comments are welcome:-)

Last night I attended a birthday party in the village. One of my friends ex boyfriend was there, and surprise so was his new girlfriend.

I mean you all know how the story goes, everyone need to shoot the new girl dirty looks so on and so on. However, I made a rather interesting observation during the whole evening.

My friend was chatting casually and with ease, with all of her exs friends. There was no awkwardness, no bitterness, nothing negative at all. In fact she was even reminiscing with them about the time they all did this, or the time they all did that. And she introduced me to her ex's friend that introduced her to Rock Band! I was impressed as hell with my friend and her first class performance last night.

I also noticed the new chick kind of stayed in the shadows. At her guys side, pretty quite, didn't seem to really make an effort to talk to anyone of his friends, or any of us. She was just kind of there.

We came to the conclusion, my friend had gotten in with the friends, where as this girl clearly had not.

Getting thrown into your significant others comfort zone can be a difficult environment. I with out question understand how stressful it can be, especially if you are on the more shy or quiet side.

However, I always have found it is important when you are in that situation, surrounded by the people who care about your guy/girl that they know you are interested in them. What they do, where they are from, crap even if you ask what they drink. I'm not saying you need to be the life of the party. But engagement in the social scene seems pretty standard if you ask me.

This brings me to my next topic of discussion. How important is it to be in with the friends?
Well on the hand I could argue that I love my boyfriend (the one I don't have) and that as long as he loves me his friends don't have to. OK fair enough
However, I think of friends the way I think of family when it comes to my dating.
The friends were there before you, and the friends will be there after you. Don't expect to come in and trump the friends. And personally I think any girl who does to that, and turns her guy into someone who never hangs out with his boys has massive control issues. And shame on you boys for letting her reign over you so tightly.
I always find it ideal to be friends with the guys friends. Its easier for girls, because guys for the most part are laid back, and you will know where you stand (unless of course you're dating, then you have no clue) but when its friendship you're pretty set.
Now when it comes to guys being friends with the girls, it cane be tricky. I always give so much credit to the boyfriends who come out with my girlfriends. For starters I know its so crazy, girls talk a mile a min, they are caddy, they don't like other girls, and so on and so on. But its all the same. If my friends boyfriend just makes a little effort to find out what I do, how long Ive known his gf, ask me for any funny stories about her. And as long as he makes her happy, its pretty smooth.

So in my overall opinion, I would say, getting in with the friends is a classy skill, that takes experience, and master planning. HAHA or just a good personality.

But at the end of the day if you can win over the friends, you might even be able to get 50% custody of the good ones in the divorcee. On of my best guy friends is my ex's little brother from his frat in college.

So what did I learn last night? That my friend so got in with the friends and they like her over the new girl... and she knows/loves every min of that :-)

Suprises of all Kinds!!!!

2008-10-25T18:19:00.004-04:00

So last night I went out in Murry Hill (I know, shocking!) with Miss. M and a few of my other girlfriends. We were having a pretty fun time. Miss. M and I actually met a group of young firemen who we chatted with for a while, before decided to leave, threw back the remnants of our drinks and bee-lined out of the bar without a good-bye to them.

I was feeling rather relieved that I had taken Lacoste shirts phone number out, because as I have mentioned, I have ZERO self control when it comes to sending drunken texts. Not to mention the bar we were at was also on the same street as his apt building. I kept joking around saying I was so glad I don't have his number because I would be sending him text messages saying "I can see your apt right now" how creepy is that. Getting a text from some whacko girl practically saying "I can see you, but you can't see me" ha ha. Luckily it did not happen, but it would make for a great blog if it did :-)

So the night ends, we go home, pass out and at 3:50 am I get a call from a number I recognize. Its the fireman!!! The MIA fireman, who last weekend I sent the classic "I'm not texting you anymore" So what do I do? I ANSWER OF COURSE! He's hot and he's a fireman! The first thing he says to me is "why did you send me that mean text message?" I was drunk, and feeling rather ballsy so I decided to tell him the truth. I said because you would never answer me, and it was bruising my ego so I decided not to text you anymore.

He kinda cutely went on a rant about how it was mean, and he wasn't ignoring me, and he doesn't like that I stopped talking to him. I was floored, confused, smitten, whatever you can imagine I was feeling at 4am last night. So finally after we argued for awhile about the lack of text messaging that has been going on, I stated, so why are you not laying in my bed with me?

First let me address my mother would be so ashamed of me. She is old fashioned in her courtship beliefs and does not think a girl should ever be so forward, she should never make the first move, nor should she ever be the first to admit she likes a guy. I am a massive disappointment because I am very forward. A straight shooter if you will. And chances are, if I like you, I'm gonna get drunk and tell you, put the ball in your court, and let you decide if you want to hit it back. That's just how I am. And to be honest I have to. I find I have a rather intimidating presence, I think it has to do with the fact that I am 5'9" (without heels)

So anyways, back to my invite. The fireman goes, well I mean I have to be at the firehouse in a few hours. And I said perfect! That is a wonderful amount of time to cuddle! So he said ok I will come over and we hung up.

It was at this point I was in total shock haven written off my sexy fireman last week I assumed he would not make a reappearance. I stumble into Miss M's bedroom, turn on her light and go "GUESS WHAT" She rolls over in her sleep and sighs "What?" And I shouted The fireman just called me and wanted to know why I'm not texting him anymore! Isn't that funny? Her reply
"You know when that will be even funnier, in the morning when I'm awake" I literally fell on the floor with laughter.

After my announcement I went on a drunken nesting spree. I do that sometimes before a boy comes over. I made sure all the dishes were done, and I even gave the bathroom a quick clean down (all at 4-430 in the morning might I add) it was rather impressive if I do say so myself.
It was the first time I had a boy in my bed since we've moved into the new apt :-)

So the fireman arrives he looks amazing and we totally got to cuddle, make out, he showed me his many tattoos (so hot) and we even actually slept for a few hours. (I was a good girl) And then he had to run off to work early in the morning after many goodbye kisses:-(

What I learned last night: Thank god firemen 24 hour shifts start at 8am, because at 9am I got a surprise "hey we're outside your apt" phone call from my mom and dad. YIKES!!!!!! Talk about lucky!!!!

Addiction Comes in all Forms (crack, texting and other such insanities)

2008-10-23T18:44:00.007-04:00

The Nov. issue of Cosmo has a mini article about text messages.
I would first like to address that if you are single text messages are like crack. I have had many nights where I have literally YELLED at my phone to ring with that familiar text chime.
I have sometimes gotten down right depressed over the silence of my phone. And there have been many days and/or nights where I have jumped at the sound of it, darted to my phone and found that it was just one of my friends with a random message. Or there was the time I was sitting in the living room with my roommates, literally waiting around for this guy to text message me, complaining about how I have no text messages so Miss M decided it would be funny to send a text that said "you have a text message." What a biatch!

Then there are the moments when it actually comes through, that familiar sound goes off, and your screen reveals the name you have been waiting minutes, hours, days, weeks, months (hopefully not years) to see. And suddenly all forms of hatred, depression, cynicism, bitterness, and maybe even tears are washed away magically and "OMG I TOTALLY AM IN LOVE" feelings rush over you. We have all been there. Maybe you're waiting for a text right now, reading my blog to pass the agony that is every minute you hear nothing. Believe me I feel for you.

Guys it's ok, you can admit you have been there as well. You know you get down when you put a text out there and the girl doesn't reply. It's ok I won't tell anyone :-)

What's even worst is when you are wrestling with yourself not text that person. I will spend all day convincing myself that I WILL NOT text guy X. I fight it all day long and then three glasses of wine later I cave. Then once I have made up my mind to send something I get the brilliant idea to make sure it is outrageous. Something that I am so sure will be shocking and get him to text back. Classic example, last week went I sent a "so you've been MIA does this mean we're not going to be making out" (I did not get a reply) So if you are going to spend all day wrestling with yourself just to crack at nightfall, send something better, something that may get a reply. Maybe a simple "hey" or "hi there" would do. Or you could try "I'm pregnant and its yours" I bet he would at the very least write back. (Just kidding.. or am I?)

Yes my friends, text messages are the crack of our times... And I am living in Harlem :-)

Back to Cosmos article. Clearly I have gone on a rant, its because I'm waiting for a text message :-p

The article is "Times You Shouldn't Text a Guy" Firing off too many messages can kill a building relationship. We tell you when to step away from the cell.
The article gives five examples of times you should not send a text message... I've sent them, and continue to do so for all five times.

#1 After you first few dates: I will actually agree this is prob not a terrible idea. However, there have been times I thought the guy was shy or nervous so I sent him a text the next day just saying something casual and fun. Its a 50-50 shot to be honest. There was the time the fireman came over after a shift for breakfast, I made pancakes, and then that evening texted him with I had alot of fun with you this morning. But I didn't hear back for like three days (oh the crack addiction was bad for those days)

#2 When You're Drunk: Honestly, this is when I send 90% of my text messages. How can you possibly tell me that its a bad idea? I love it. Let those thoughts that you're sober up tightness normally doesn't allow you to say. What is the worse that can happen? No answer? Easy fix, keep text messaging people until you find a someone in your phone who will. I promise I always will reply to a good drunken text! Dial away my friends dial away!

#3 When You're Angry: This is probably when I send the remaining 10% of my text messages. Come on who hasn't sent the "Did I do something wrong?" or the "Why are you being shady" or "I hate you" text messages. And further more, I believe drunk AND angry is the perfect time to send a text message. Its almost therapeutic, plus look on the bright side you can send angry text messages to someone while you are with a group of people, and no one will know you're psychotic and causing a scene. Angry text also allow you to fight at inappropriate places, like you're desk at work, or the airport. I've had full blown war fights with exs while at these places. Genius, PURE GENIUS!

#4 When You're Trying to be Funny: Stupid, I refuse to address this, it makes no sense to me. Is it ok then to send non-funny text messages? (i.e. I have cancer, or my mom died, or my house caught on fire and we lost all our possessions except my cell phone) Aren't those more of a make the actual phone call occasions. Send funny texts!!!!

#5 When you already texted him that day: Well I mean if he doesn't answer, clearly I need to keep texting him. I mean what if he didn't get the first ten messages. What if he lost his phone. Or what if he got a new phone, and they weren't able to transfer all the numbers and my text message is the only way he can get my number which he has been so depressed about not having. Psycho!

What I've learned from this article that I am pretty sure Cosmo used me as an example of what not to do. Send drunken, angry with a twist of funny text messages multiple times a day after the first few dates. Deep thoughts by Lil Miss Jacks!

Playboys and Hollywood Kisses

2008-10-22T13:13:00.005-04:00

For the record, I forgot to mention yesterday that the Lacoste shirt did still want to go on a date with me, despite my pathological lies at the bar on Sat night.

I believe there are two types of first dates. The types you are so excited for that you can barely contain yourself all day long. And then there are the types that you are just going on for the sake of being open minded and putting yourself out there. Lacoste shirt was your typical type two date. For starters I couldn't even remember what his face looked like, so in the back of my mind I was thinking great I'm going to get to the bar and see this ugly guy and my night is going to suck.

So I arrive at the very quaint bar/restaurant and the host asks me who I am here for. I drop Lacoste boys first name because well I don't know his last. And he goes oh you mean Mr. So-and-so he's right over there. Sigh of relief and now slight intimidation... Lacoste shirt is hot, and THANK GOD not wearing another pastel polo. In fact he looks amazingly sharp dressed and I am smitten.

Dinner goes fairly well. The conversation flowed, we had a decent amount in common, the food and mojitos were good and he had a very nice personality. (BTW I love a man who loves a good mojito) However, there is just one problem. Lacoste as it turns out is a total catch. Great looks, great job, great degree, great upbringing, great clothes, and as it seems to me great personality. Guess what that means? He's a catch and he knows it!

I'ld love to tell you that I found a rare gem in NYC. But I did not. Men like Lacoste are a dime a dozen around here, fabulous and well aware of it. For starters he made eye contact with me the entire night, kept himself engaged, this means he's a pro at the dinner date. Also everyone at the place we were at seemed to know him... which to be honest I find a little cliche, don't take all your first dates to the same place. However he was extremely classy, and I could tell a total playboy. Why shouldn't he be, he's got the goods, work them baby!

However the real class act came at the end of the date when we walked out holding hands and he kissed me as we stepped outside. In the midst of our kiss he dipped me back like a Hollywood 50's movie, which would have been romantic had he not lost his balance we fell into the garbage. Lacoste was mortified because swave boys do not mess up their moves. I on the other hand was dying laughing, I could not stop, I loved how his little ploy to be slick was just stuck down by lightening.

Thats' the thing about me, I'm way to cynical to fall for the whole get up. Once upon a time I would have been starstuck by the whole evening, but the entire time I kept thinking to myself, oh you are smooth, you love yourself and you know it. I am so never going to hear from you again.

When it comes to playboys, I believe the best thing to do, is just play their game. Enjoy the evening, appreciate the scenery, eat it up. But don't go waiting by the phone. Its what they want you to do, and you can't have that :-)

So what did I learn from last night... that the view of Manhattan from Lacoste shirts bedroom will take your breath away :-p

"If you see something say something"

2008-10-21T15:48:00.000-04:00

I grew up just outside Manhattan so I have been having a love affair with "The City" my whole life. I say "the" because there is only one city to me. When I went away to college people would refer to the closest city as "the city" and I simply could not allow that. It was "A city" but it was not "The City."

The thing about NYC is that if something is done, New York City will out do it. They need to top everything ever. Example, Madison Square Garden is the most famous sporting area. The Yankees, 26 World Series Champions, no one can even come close to their titles. Does anyone get engaged on top of the Sears Tower in Chicago? (not to my knowledge) New York City Fleet Week will out do any other fleet week anywhere. New York's Fire Dept's Calendar, one word DELICIOUS! The bottom line, New York out does itself with everything. And today I once again had an experience you can only get from the city refuses to be anything other than the most extreme.

Today Miss M. and I were scoping a restaurant in Tribeca and then meeting a friend who worked near by for lunch. We were having a lovely fall in Manhattan type afternoon. We got on the E subway at W-4 Street and sat down. The subway was not crowded at all, in fact it was just the opposite, our cart was virtually empty. We began chatting about a very important topic. It of course revolved around men and dating. We were discussing things that make up for being unattractive (i.e. a summer house, a trust fund, ivy league degree etc)
All of a sudden Miss M calmly stood up and stated very blandly that her back hurt. When she stood up I noticed the man who had been sitting next to her was moving his hand up and down around his hip. From the corner of my eye it almost looked as though he was "pleasuring" himself. Then I looked over and saw that HE WAS. And I'm not talking about casually rubbing over the pants. No I'm talking full blown whipped it out hand up and down saw the whole package NO GRAY AREA for confusion pleasuring himself.

Well I couldn't be as tasteful as Miss. M. I leaped out of my seat into her arms and screamed "OMG THAT GUYS IS JERKING OFF" and ran to the door of the subway. She was next to me painting that she knew and why did I think she had gotten up. It felt like forever until we got the the next stop. When the doors opened we screamed to the people on the platform "DO NOT GET IN THE CAR THERE IS A MAN JERKING OFF" And everyone looked at us like we were crazy.

See these are the things they don't show you in Sex and the City, because they are all riding around in taxis. That's not New York. No one rides in taxis everywhere, we take the subway with all the shady people! That's the core of the big apple my friends!

I will have you know that if you live in NYC for as many years as I have there are very few things that you don't see. And having been around here virtually my whole life, there is very little that truly shocks me, and leaves me rendered speechless. In fact there having been two other times in my life that I can truly say I felt awkward and with out words. Once was when a guy broke up with me because he was getting back with his ex, but wanted me to have the three tomatoes and a cucumber that he picked from his moms garden as sort of a "thanks for playing" gift. And the other was the time my dad and I were having lunch at a local Irish pub and a woman there told us that WE didn't look old enough to have a daughter in college. WE were not old enough! I was pretty sure actually that the encounter at the pub where I was mistaken for my dads WIFE would stay at the top of my list of OMG moments. However, I was wrong (once in a blue moon that happens)

What did I learned today? I'm only sitting in seats on the subway where no one else can sit next to me.

"Honesty is always the best policy"

2008-10-20T12:49:00.001-04:00

So let me start off by saying, I know women are freaking CRAZY. We are. There is no arguing that. Every woman will admit she's a nut job, and if she doesn't... well she is in denial and that makes her an even bigger nut job than the rest of us.

This weekend my beautiful friend came to visit us from New England. We took her out to yuppy bar central. (Murray Hill) and began our evening at the popular 80s bar Joshua Tree.

Before we headed out for the evening, we decided that tonight we were going to lie about who we are and what we do for a living. Why? Well because we're women and we're crazy. Also because the odds of me talking about what I really do and what I'm really like will prob not score me a drink at the bar. And in these tough economic times I need someone to pay for my drinks.

What are these lies we told? Why I would be happy to share them with you.
I am a model, mostly runway, and most of my work is overseas. My visitor Miss. New England is a professional dancer. And my roommate Miss. M is our publicist. Did I mention it is also her birthday?!!? (another strand on the web of lies)

So everything is going well, people are actually falling for the whole gig too, which is fun. Then I spot a boy who is SO not my type. He is wearing a Lacoste Polo preppy pants, loafers, works in finance and is from CT. LAME. (For the record my type is rugged and out doorsy, and I LOVE men in uniform (Firemen and Military especially YUM!) Anyways back to the prep. So I already have made up my mind based on his exterior that well, he's not my type so I can tell him lies. Thus the model story unfolds, and then I proceed to introduce him to Miss. M, my publicist. Who is wearing a shirt I lent her that Vera Wang made especially for me. (I will admit it was at this point that I got mildly carried away)

As my conversation with the Lacoste shirt continues I realize he is actually pretty nice, and well we seem to be getting along well. It is at the point that I am told my a drunk Miss New England and Miss. M that we need to make our way to the next bar, thus pulling me away from my lacoste shirt. In a moment of decision he asks for my REAL number and I give it to him, forgetting that I am in fact NOT a model.... bummer!

We venture several chilly blocks down the road, made some friends along the way. We like to talk to random people. And then finally arrived at Tonic where we made friends with two boys. Neither of which were cute, but we were bored and it's cerca 2 am. Miss. M was dehydrated so I got my little "birthday girl" some water from the bar and turned around to talk to this guy who was standing behind me. Well it turns out he's a little weird, and is in town from DC. I asked him if he flew of took the Amtrak. He replied with a rather lengthily story about how he took the bus and someone punched the bus driver in the face and it was TOTALLY AWESOME MAN. It was at the point I smiled and motioned to Miss M so I could throw her under the proverbial bus. "This is my friend Miss. M, she used to live in DC" and turned away... She was not happy to say the least.

The night of course come to a close as it always must and we make our way back to the apt. I will have you know that at 3:06 am I not only called 2 people in my phone but also sent a text msg. Out beating Miss. New England who only called one person at 3:06 and sent one text msg. We enjoy doing that. Calling and texting people we should not on the cab ride back home. I texted the fireman I met at the bar several weeks ago who has proceeded to loose interest in me (bummer, must have been the pancakes I made him) I wrote "im not texting you anymore" to him at 3:06. I must have been thinking wow look at me this will get his attention. But in reality I think he prob saw that text in the morning and was like OH THANK GOD SHE GOT THE HINT. Needless to say he still has not replied almost 2 days later.

We spent most of Sunday filling in my other roommate Miss. E on our nights experiences. She was not able to to come out with us, but being the friends we are needed to make sure she knew every minor detail so she felt as though she had been there. (Aren't we nice?)

While the four of us (Miss. New England, Miss. M, Miss. E and myself) lay on in the living room hung over and watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles I get a text msg. And I will have you know it was obviously not from the fireman that was hoping it would be from. No it was from the Lacoste shirt, who is in my phone with that name. Asking me if I would like to have dinner with him on Tuesday night. My friends encouraged this and I agree. However then I'm faced with the problem of my web of lies. He thinks I am model. Now I have two choices, I can go along with it, and continue to let him think so. But I mean if we're going to get married one day it's best not to start the relationship off with a lie right? So I brace myself and pose a question to him. "So out of curiosity what did I tell you I do for a living" He replied that I said I was a model and my friend was my publicist. I wrote "yeah sometimes I do that" and then told him the truth about what I do for a living... Silence... in fact today as well... silence. I'm pretty sure the date is canceled for tomorrow.

So what lesson did I learn this weekend?!?!!? Why that I'm able to make multiple phone calls and text msg in 1 minute of course! GO ME!!!!!

Introduction

2008-10-20T12:38:00.000-04:00

Hello and welcome to my blog!

I have actually been wanted to start one of these for a while. I have kept journals my whole life, hard copy ones. I'm old fashioned like that. However, I thought something public and whitty might be really great!

A little bit about me. I am a young single girl living and work in NYC.

This blog will be about the adventures, fairy tales and nightmares, I experience while cruising the single girl dating pool in the Big Apple.

I will write about my experiences with men, dating, drunken text messages, waiting by the phone, bad dates, good dates, cute guys, ugly guys and just about everything else a crazy single girl goes through.

Enjoy!